Laughter, Love and the Zen of Midlife

Please...visit my new JAPAN Blog!

2011-06-06T00:57:00.000+10:00

Thanks for stopping by...but...I've MOVED....moved my blog AND moved physically-to Japan!

Here is the new blog address: Living the Simple Life in Japan

SEE YOU IN JAPAN!!!

Final Good-Bye

2011-03-20T01:44:00.000+10:00

It's one-thirty in the morning. I am sitting at gate 5 of Saipan airport. It was so hard to say good bye to the kids today...but I am sure that I am on the right path.

That makes things easier - knowing you are going in the right direction.

This is my final post here. The plane is boarding....I shall see you in Japan....

Cooperation and Order

2011-03-17T19:45:00.001+10:00

There is something that continues to amaze me as I watch the events in Japan....the way that the Japanese people are responding to their horrific situation.

I see no break from law and order. There is no looting (like Hurricane Katrina) there is no violence over long lines. There is order, cooperation, civility.

I am amazed at their resilience. I am amazed at their courage in the face of devastation.

Similar sentiments have been reported by Americans who are living in Japan and by reporters on location there.

What a stark contrast to what I saw and heard from people who were on the ground in New Orleans in the aftermath of Katrina. I was with the Red Cross during that time. I had first hand information. It was shocking and unimaginable.

Seeing how the Japanese people have responded to their situation has encouraged me. I am looking forward to living among this honorable nation.

I know there is no "perfect" place and I know Japan has it's problems but this gave me a glimpse into the Japanese heart and soul. I've heard my husband talk about this-now I see it first hand.

Tonight my husband said "I am proud of my country" ....while he watched his countrymen suffer...images on NHK...we all suffer with them now.

on the ground and running....

2011-03-17T16:40:00.000+10:00

Thursday afternoon here....4:25pm.

I have four and a half huge boxes packed, taped and ready to load onto the aircraft. I packed one bag last night-full of clothes and a couple of English workbooks. I need to pack my shamisen yet....and some odds and ends.

My poor parents are worried sick about my going to Japan so I just emailed them a map of Japan and circled where we will be living.....so that they can see we are far south of the situation up north in Sendai.

I need some quiet time. I really need some quiet alone time but honestly I just can't squeeze it in right now. I guess that will have to come on the plane. I'm starting to jiggle inside....can you relate?

I'm not scared of going to Japan. I guess it's just all the emotions that are trying to well-up right now. It has taken a huge effort to remain in the moment. I absolutely refuse to get swept away by emotion either way. I am purposely walking the middle path.

The past few days have been full of "going away" lunches and dinners. Saying good-bye to friends. I never I knew people cared about me so much and I am honestly quite humbled. A few cried....I was honestly touched.

I have a list of people that I need to see so that I can say good-bye. I tried to see the old priest today but he was not around the temple...I hope I can see him tomorrow.

Two more full days to go.....

Why do I feel like I am forgetting something??

Question for my friends in Japan...

2011-03-14T20:16:00.000+10:00

Ok- so what is going on with that reactor? I see on AP and other US news that a whole crew aboard a ship has been exposed to radiation but according to NHK this morning there were several people exposed but not more than your average x-ray.

What are you guys hearing over there??

US news tends to sensationalize everything so I am not trusting what I am seeing on the tube.

Sent to me BY Jessica Renshaw

2011-03-14T13:15:00.001+10:00

This was just sent to me by Jessica Renshaw

Land of the Rising Sun

Giving is what we do best.

We are given away to our families,

to our neighbors, to our friends,

to our enemies—to the nations.

Our life is for others.

—Eugene H. Peterson

What shall I give, Lord,

to the people of Japan?

Time. Talent. Treasure.

Whatever you have as you

feel the nudge from my Spirit.

What shall I give, Lord?

I have little treasure

and I cannot go.

Time, child of mine.

Give as much as you can.

Talk with me about these dear people.

Intercede on their behalf.

Pray for those who go.

Pray for those who send finances.

Pray for those on the ground

as they embrace broken lives.

Pray for those who have

experienced loss beyond description.

Pray for the church in Japan

as they minister.

Pray that many would find themselves in

the land of the rising Son!

T-minus five and a half....

2011-03-14T13:01:00.000+10:00

WOW...five and a half days to go....!!!!

Ran to McDonald's to grab a cup of coffee and get online for a bit...got my lists written...and pretty much checked off.

We hauled all of our cargo to my daughter's house yesterday-not much actually. I have 2 boxes to repack as they seem a bit heavy.

We have just basic necessities left in our room...yesterday while I was on my run I was thinking about how nice it actually is to have so few possessions.

Later that evening Masaaki and I were talking and I told him that I am dead set against any sort of a complicated life in Japan. I am going to keep it as simple as possible.

I've learned so much these past several months...one thing that has really stood out was the fact that the material things we "thought" we needed...really didn't matter. I've never really missed them to tell the truth.

Thanks for all the prayers for Japan...Lord knows they desperately need them. I am praying that I will be "useful" once I arrive because there is so much that needs to be done. I don't have money at the moment but I do have a willing heart.

Ok...off to teach another class and then to get some styrofoam peanuts or something to wrap my shamisen in so it doesn't get smashed on the plane. I should have just left it in Japan on the last trip!!!

over and out (for the moment)

My last Sunday in Saipan

2011-03-13T13:45:00.000+10:00

Firstly- huge hugs to all who are praying for the people of Japan- the land that I have come to love and embrace as my own homeland. My heart is so deeply broken...as we all watch the unfolding of the moments and hours as they pass....rescues...search and recovery....I can't even fathom where they will start to put their lives back together.

When I look at that tangled mess that was home to thousands of people I feel helpless....my instinct is to figure out a way to go up there and help as soon as I land in Japan. Do not be surprised if I post that I have joined some organization as a volunteer....the years I spent in the Red Cross are still in my blood.

I have been given an extraordinary amount of compassion and it is surging...ready to spill over...I need to find some way to put it into action. I am sure there will be something I can do - even from our hometown in Itoda.

I'm here at the laundromat with my daughter-helping her and spending time with her.

We moved our boxes today and what little we are taking to Japan. All we have left at our friends home are our clothes-we'll move those on Saturday morning. I'm coming up on my last week here in Saipan....what a strange feeling.

Thirty years winding down to an end. Where did the time go??

What is in store for us in Japan?

Soon....we shall see....

OK...there is a huge mountain of clothing that needs attention. Thank God my online friends are safe....we will continue to pray for the families of those that were lost and are still missing.....the residents on one entire town possibly washed away....

ok....laundry to fold....

till later on this week.....

I have no words....

2011-03-12T12:42:00.000+10:00

To say how absolutely devastated we feel as we sit helplessly and watch this unbelieveably shocking story unfold. We slept off and on throuhgout the night with the TV on. Saipan had no real damage- the Mariana Trench and our reef may have helped. Not sure. All coastal areas were evacuated. We did have about 3 foot waves that washed ashore according to some friends who were witnesses. The water disappeared from the lagoon and then came rushing in around 11 pm I think.

But Japan....

Our family is safe. They are way south...of course everyone is reeling. I worry about several blog friends. We prayed for everyone and are praying constantly.

Called my parents who were worried sick because they know I am leaving next Sunday,that has not changed. I assured them that I'll be far south. They worry about the neuclear reactors....can't really say much about that. Praying all will be well.

Posting from my iPod so going to cut this short.
Blog friends up north please please let me know how you are!!!

Houston we are T-minus ten days and counting.....

2011-03-10T13:10:00.001+10:00

Oh BOY....ten days left- actually 9 because today is the 10th and I leave at 2am on the 20th. That day will actually be spent in Japan as I arrive at around 11am.

Let's see...got just about all my packing done. I stopped by Imoya-a little Japanese restaurant on island to eat something decent and use the wireless. After this I go home, complete the packing and organizing of whatever "stuff" we have left and try and squeeze in a run.

Tonight I have a going-away dinner with a friend of mine. Oh my gosh...am I having going away dinners already???

If you want to know the truth...this is all just settling in...

I am getting that fluttery feeling in my stomach now....

My agenda for my first day in Japan is...

land

eat at my favorite shushi bar

get to mom's house and rest

wake up and go to Onsen

help mom cook dinner

eat

drink mom's 10 year old umeshu

passout

the next morning...life begins anew....

You see...I have it all planned out already. :)

Two weeks and counting

2011-03-06T16:44:00.001+10:00

Dates have changed again. Looks like I am leaving around the 21st. Things are just too difficult here so we thought it would be best to send me off so I can start working and earning yen. The dollar is pretty bad and we will fair far better in Japan.

The past three weeks have been hectic. Lots of odds and ends to get done. There is no internet connection where we live (there was but I am not sure what happened) so..now in my spare time (like I have spare time) I run around to places with free wireless so I can read email and do the things that I need to do on the internet. Using the internet has become very inconvenient to say the least! Most places do not have "plug-ins" so when my battery runs out-that's it. usually I'm not done doing what I needed to do before I run out of "gas".

Speaking of gas...ours is at $4.35 for regular now......

I keep reminding myself that this time will pass. Everything passes. I wanted to thank everyone for your kind and sincere comments. It is wonderful to know that there are compassionate people out in the world. My purpose in sharing all of this openly is to encourage others who are going through a rough time in life. You would be surprised what you can do if you have the right mindset. There is always something to be thankful for!

I think the most valuable things I have learned throughout all of this was forgiveness and compassion for those who are around me. We have had some difficult issues to face. Some have even "kicked us while we were down". But we are learning to forgive them. To see them as they really are...lost. We may not have much at the moment....last week there were three days where we didn't even have the money to buy food. I now know what it is like to go to bed hungry. But I know that there are others on this planet who have it much, much worse.

So....I am thankful. Thankful for what I do have.

This week will be busy! I have packing to do....addresses to change....things to wrap up. These two weeks are going to FLY by...!!

Much love and peace to all those who have said kind words to us throughout this time. Thank you so much for your love and support. You have no idea how much one word spoken out of love and concern can mean to someone.

This has made me more loving and compassionate towards others and so I am thankful for the opportunity to have experienced all of this.

Ok-looks like battery is about to die......

P.S. please forgive me for not leaving comments on your blogs at the moment- I try to hurry and do what I have to do on the internet before my battery dies so there is not always time to leave comments.

Murphy's Law

2011-03-02T21:49:00.000+10:00

Does anyone know that guy's email address??? That Murphy guy. I want to have a word with him!

I want to ask him why he is always right????

So...a few years ago I thought...

slow down-you have PLENTY of time...you are not moving for another.....what? Two years?

And see what happened.....

NowI'mrunningaroundlikeachickenwithoutahead!!!!!!!!

Ohmygoshohmygosh...oh...my...gosh!

I'm looking at the calender and wondering how I am going to get everything done that I need to do!!!!

AND...I still have not gone through the rest of my "junk". My textbooks and things that I can't (won't) leave behind. Special things-from my grandmother...you know The sentimental stuff.

I think it's time to make a list. I have a feeling I am going to forget something important and remember it while I am sitting on the plane.

Please, if you know Murphy's email address...send it along! This has got to stop!

The "new" blog address

2011-02-28T21:27:00.000+10:00

Tomorrow is March 1st on our side of the planet. Tomorrow I can say "this month we are moving to Japan".

My last day on the island will be March 25th. I depart March 26th at 2:20am.

Wow....absolutely -wow.

I was thinking back several years ago. I downloaded this ticker for my laptop desktop. It was a countdown timer and at that time we had a little over three years left on Saipan. It seemed like such a long time.

And now....

It seems like just yesterday. I mean, it really does.

So, tomorrow when I wake up I can say...this month, I am moving to Japan.

I've completed the "Japan" blog. Here it is:

THE JAPAN BLOG

Saipan's Last Command post and more...

2011-02-27T22:18:00.004+10:00

With 27 days left until I leave Saipan I thought it might be nice to take a drive around the island with my camera and take some pictures for you but I couldn't upload them all because I got a message saying I've used up my 1gig of space...sheesh...I deleted a bunch of pictures from Picasa but it may take 24 hours to complete. I'm hoping to squeeze in a few more pictures before I shut this blog down and start the new one in Japan.

I've added a few links to various websites that have pictures on them and a link to the American Memorial Park website. Hopefully that will make up for my lack of space.

I've blogged about Saipan's history before. The Battle of Saipan was one of the bloodiest in the pacific. Not a nice thing to think about, I know, but, there are reminders everywhere. The skeletons of once fierce military machinery are scattered about our landscape.

Having once been forces to recon with are now but shadows of themselves - and have been transformed into homes for small island reptiles and jungle plants. They are constant reminders of the price that was paid for our "freedom". Living in Saipan for the past thirty years has made me very aware of the effects of war. The reminders of war are everywhere here. There is not a place on the island you can go that does not have some small reminder.....even on the beaches you still find bullet casings and artillery wrecks.

Concrete bunkers that provided protection to Japanese soldiers are now almost hidden beneath the jungle overgrowth. This one is on private property and has been uncovered, now visible from the road.

At the Last Command Post I climbed up the stairs to the bunker that was cleverly hidden in an outcropping of rock. As I crawled through the small concrete entrance I imagined what it must have been like all those years ago.

I stood quietly inside the bunker, now a complete wreck. The afternoon filtered in through gaping bomb holes blasted into the sides of the fortress.

I listened to the sounds of tropical birds and the wind as it blew through the jungle foliage. I imagined the sounds of explosions and machine-gun fire that thundered through the rain-forest. Scattering flocks of birds and sending small jungle animals cowering beneath rocks.

I wondered also, did the soldiers ever sit during moments of silence and close their eyes...and listen to the birds and the wind...and imagine what this island might be like without war?

I thought I heard the shouts and screams of men...and explosions in the far-off distance. When I closed my eyes I could imagine....visions of soldiers hidden in these caves....rockets falling all around them...some concentrating fiercely upon surviving the onslaught, some holding pictures of loved ones back home and crying....some...putting a gun to their head and taking their own life to avoid capture by the enemy-the Americans. Not because they were afraid of the enemy-but because they believed it would bring dishonor to their country to be captured alive.

The civilians, in order to avoid capture jumped off the cliffs and committed suicide.

This was the fate of some of the Japanese soldiers and civilians that refused to give up -they fought until their last breath. You have to admire that kind of courage. I hope if worst comes to worst I can muster even half of it.

No matter how many times I visit The Last Command Post I always feel the same way. It chills me to the bone to think that I am standing in the very spot where it all happened. The ghosts of those soldiers still haunt these places, I'm sure. There is such a strong energy here-many have remarked that they feel something strange .....something they can't explain.

My day's journey took me to American Memorial Park where the names of thousands of United States servicemen and some women are inscribed in a granite wall. I touched the wall....all these lives lost...all of them sons and daughters, friends and family. I was proud to be an American. I looked up at our nation's flag flying with strength over the Court-flanked by the flags of our military branches. A tear spilled over and ran down my cheek as I looked for a moment longer at the flag that bears the insignia of the United States Army....and I thought of my daughter and my son-in-law as they go off to war....another war...war..it's just hard to imagine sometimes that we are at war. Many of us have been so privileged-so spoiled. I think to myself, have I trained her well? Have I instilled her with the faith that will give her courage to face the enemy? I have to shake the rest of the thoughts from my mind....and concentrate on the moment or else it becomes too much to cope with.

There is a book that is called WE DRANK OUR TEARS: Memories of the battles for Saipan and Tinian as told by our elders.

This is a book written by the children of the Northern Mariana Islands-experiences of the war as told to them by their elders. The illustrations are all drawn by the children. It is on Amazon.com for around 89.00- BUT you can purchase it HERE from our American Red Cross website for $20.00.

I highly recommend this book for teachers or anyone that is interested in WW2 and the battle for the pacific.

Saipan THEN and NOW

The end of the world as we know it

2011-02-23T22:46:00.000+10:00

Sheesh...I'm looking around here at the state of the planet and I am just thunderstruck ...is anyone else?

No need to wait for the other shoe to drop because shoes are raining down like cats and dogs!

Entire countries in upheaval, wild weather, earthquakes, economies going belly-up....you get the picture.

The evening news looks like one of those bad disaster movies!

Makes me wonder what kind of a future my grandchildren are going to have.

A lot on my mind.....

2011-02-20T22:26:00.001+10:00

Time for some complete honesty. Sorry this blog post is not going to be about our peaceful little island.

Recently the events taking shape in the Middle East have me concerned. I usually dig deeper and read the inside stories. On the "outside" it might look like a good thing...people protesting against iron-rule governments. Not a bad thing -right?

I think we need to open our eyes and see what lies underneath this situation. The truth of the matter and what the sentiments of these people are.

I have read report after report, seen yards of footage and heard the religious leaders in these countries say over and over again that once "they" gain control - it's death to America and Israel. Those are not my words, nor is it my opinion. This is what I see, hear and read.

I have been following "these people" for about twenty years. I'm sorry- I'm not allowed to say who these people are but with any smarts you should be able to figure that out.

Did you hear about the CBS news reporter that was cut off from her camera men and RAPED by 200 men while they chanted Jew!Jew!...oh...didn't hear about it? Google it. Everyone in the media was "celebrating" the protests....they didn't see the truth. One after the other reporters are being beaten and raped!

We seriously need to WAKE UP!

Since the protests spread to Bahrain Mrs. Clinton is finally opening her eyes a little....if Bahrain falls we are in deep kimchee-that's the home of the 5th Fleet- the center of our defense!!!!!

There is a LOT more I could say but I need to temper my comments because I have family in the military. Those are the rules for military family members.

Wake up people. For your own safety. These people have been planning things for years. By their OWN words they plan on destroying America from the inside out. Remember the pilots that flew the planes into the Twin Towers? They were trained in America. There are thousands of "them" in America...waiting for the right time.

Mark my words. America seriously needs to wake up.I'm not going to speak for the rest of the world.

Do not stick your head in the sand and say "that's their problem over there". Don't do it. Soon it will be OUR problem-over here.

No matter what you think of Glenn Beck- the video below is one you need to see.

While you are at it - you should watch this one too:

Castaway

2011-02-16T22:45:00.000+10:00

My all time favorite movie. I remember the first time I saw it-I was lost in imagination.

For some reason the whole idea of being marooned on a desert isle has intrigued me since I was a kid. I remember loving "Gilligan's Island".

The whole story inspired many hours of make-believe play sitting in my father's fishing boat that was parked on it's trailer in the driveway.

Then there was The Swiss Family Robinson.

I loved that movie...and imagined myself as one of the family members living in that tree-house they built.

And what about Lord Of The Flies?!

Creepy but I was drawn to it!

So this whole conversation I had with my daughter about her friend that lives up on Pagan alone got me thinking.....mulling this idea over and over again in my mind....

I'm actually thinking of seeing if I can join an expedition and go up there to the Northern Islands and stay for a bit....not now of course. We've got to shove off for Japan soon...

But, later on...after things settle. My friend the boat captain leads expeditions in the summer time when the vulcanologists come out.

I was talking to my adult ESL class about it (turned out to be quite an interesting topic for conversation) and they thought I was off my rocker! None of them would even think about doing anything like this.

Would you?

Would you, given the chance, spend at least two weeks on an uninhabited island?

I dream about it. I imagine having all day every day -with no trace of civilization. No phones, internet, stores or daily chaos.

My students asked me what I'd do all day....well..aside from hunting and gathering (or opening a few cans and making a fire so I could eat) I'd write.

I'd write down every thing I did, saw, felt and thought. I'd try and document as much as possible so I could share it with my children or grandchildren....or whoever was interested enough to read it.

What a great and challenging way to get to know what you are really made of.

What an awesome spiritual experience it could turn out to be!

I have not discussed this with hubby...I'm assuming after he recovers from a massive coronary-I'll have to sweet-talk him into letting me go on a trip like this.

He should look on the bright side- I won't need a lot of pocket money!

One thing is for sure....I'm taking Wilson with me.

So...would you do it?

I simply remember my favorite things.....

2011-02-13T21:09:00.002+10:00

Such a lovely day today on our beautiful little island!

I have to say- today was one of those days where I felt like I just wanted to stay on Saipan forever....

of course I know we have to move on and I want to ...but today...today I was a little wistful....

I spent the day with my daughter and her two children at one of our beautiful beaches....Obyan Beach. Truth be told, I haven't been to Obyan for years.....why? I dunno...I really dunno....

The road going down to Obyan

We made a little "camp" under a shady pine

my daughter....going off -exploring

I guess even on this small island we get busy...and forget to enjoy life. There was hardly anyone there. We say a few dive groups going in and coming out of the water.

There was a family that had set up three tents and looked like they had been there for the weekend.

But that's about it....

My daughter told me that a friend of theirs just visited them from Pagan Island (pronounced with a short "a") . Pagan is a northern island in the Mariana Islands chain. He is the only person living on the island.

Seriously.

He's about 26 years old.

He has a short-wave radio so he can contact Saipan Emergency Management and the Navy in Guam. The Navy stops by about every two weeks and he "trades" fish and other things for bullets (there are deer there) and some other supplies.

I've included a map of the Northern Mariana Islands so you can kind-of understand what I am talking about. Pagan is a good day's boat ride from Saipan. If you leave at the crack of dawn you arrive in Pagan about sunset.

No- I have never been there...yet.

Here are a few pictures I scrounged up from the internet...

Because it's a volcanic island it has black sand beaches, unlike our white powder sand here in Saipan.

Mt. Pagan-an active volcano

Saipan, Rota and Tinian are the only islands that are inhabited.

I heard there is a couple that lives on one of the other islands but I forget which one. I remember back in 1994 the volcano on Pagan erupted and the residents had to be evacuated.

Yes, Pagan has an active volcano on it.

Here is a very interesting website that has more pictures and narrative-

A friend of mine is a boat captain. SHE operates the supply boats that ferry scientists and the like to the northern islands. She has been up to the islands many times and she told me it is really paradise.

I'd like to plan a trip back to Saipan so I can ride along on one of the expeditions-I've actually been invited to do that sometime.

My daughter and her husband are planning a group trip next December to Pagan to visit their friend and have an adventure trip.

As we were sitting on the beach today and talking about my daughter's friend ......I day-dreamed about living life carefree on an uninhabited island.....My favorite movie is Castaway you know....

On being spontaneous.....

2011-02-11T21:51:00.001+10:00

I'll have to admit that I am not a particularly spontaneous person.

Actually-I'm the "queen" of proper planning and scheduling.

I've been really trying to change that. Actually, recent events have rather forced me let go of a lot of my old beliefs and habits.

Recent events being having the rug pulled out financially...newcomers read my old (October and beyond) blog posts to understand.

Tonight Hubby and I were on our way home from the driving range where he "hit a few balls" and I had my afternoon walk.

We took Beach Road home- which runs parallel with the beach (imagine that).

As we drove along we noticed a particularly beautiful sunset blossoming over the ocean.

Suddenly...I just wanted to stop....I wanted to get out of the car and just stand on the beach.

Normally, I would have just kept my thoughts to myself....but not this evening...

"pull over...pull over!"

"huh?"

"look at the sunset, pull over....please"

...we pulled over, parked the car and walked down to the beach and sat on the edge of the beach-pathway.

Together....in silence...shoulder to shoulder.

We didn't say a word but the emotion between us was almost overwhelming.

we each knew what the other was thinking.....

that our time here was quickly coming to an end.....

that the sun was setting on our thirty years here....

that soon we would watch our last sunset on Saipan.....

we were both thinking about missing the kids......

that was not a tear rolling down my cheek....

not one rolling down his either.....

(sigh)

funny....for five years all we could think about was leaving this place...and now...although we are looking forward to leaving....

we both know there are so many things we will miss....

we only sat there for a few minutes-the mosquitoes urged us to get going

but it was a precious few minutes

he reached over in the car and took my hand...pulled it up to his cheek...

"I love you so much"

those words encompassed so much....so very much....

we will surely miss the beautiful Saipan sunsets....

note: as usual-we didn't have our camera with us so I borrowed some pictures of Saipan sunsets from a few other Saipan sites...

one in particular is a good friend of mine:

Joe Race-author and wordsmith

*edit: sorry for the mushy post....but it was a seriously emo moment

Let's take a walk....

2011-02-05T19:09:00.000+10:00

It's a beautiful day on Saipan today....let's go down to Mariana Resort have an iced coffee and take a walk down to the beach.....

We'll walk past the swimming pool.....

and around the corner to the steps leading down......

past the dive shop......

and down to the little path that leads to the beach.....

along the way let's stop and peek through the rain-forest foliage...the water looks so clear today....

...past the betelnut palms...we are almost there....

down the stone steps that lead to the beach....look at the military ships out beyond the lagoon....

let's wade in the warm tropical waters....feels so good on my feet....the sand is so soft....

it's so wonderful sitting here on the beach and listening to the wonderfully calm sound of the waves crashing over the reef.....

back up the stone steps to the path.....

there's the pavilion that overlooks the ocean at the spa....let's go there tomorrow...

peeking thru the trees again to have a last look at the ocean.....

such a beautiful day today.....

a little peek at the spa below....can't wait for tomorrow.....

what a wonderful day...thanks so much for sharing it with me!

Daybook entry

2011-02-04T12:08:00.003+10:00

I came across this blog: A Simple Woman's Daybook

And decided that it's something that I'd like to participate in...so here goes!

FOR TODAY

Outside my window...
from my view on this little hill..... a plumeria tree sheds blossoms that tumble down the driveway in the tropical breeze. Two white turtle doves circle slowly over lake Susupe. Tropical marsh grasses dance and sway while coconut palms, banana and papaya trees cast small patches of shade. Bowzer, the neighbor's dog sits at his post at the end of the yard, his ears flapping in the breeze.

I am thinking...
about our last few weeks in Saipan and how much I'll miss the kids and grandkids. I'm also thinking that tomorrow I am going to take time out and spend the afternoon at my favorite sea-side spa, something I have not taken the time to do in months.

I am thankful for...
my husband. I'm not feeling well today and he took time to come home from the office just to check on me. He is truly my partner and best friend.

From the learning rooms...
comes silence because ESL classes were canceled today.

From the kitchen...
until we move to Japan and can cook again as normal....we eat at our kids homes or a friends Japanese restaurant.... not sure where our evening meal will come from tonight....

I am wearing...
my old comfy purple nightgown and socks because my feet are cold.

I am working on...
at the moment...only this blog post! If I feel better later....some lessons for the adult ESL class and my new blog site that I am preparing for our "new life" in Japan.

I am going...
back to bed to rest for a while and then to teach an afternoon ESL class to some children that are here from Korea for winter break.

I am reading...
Besides daily Bible reading and blogs...nothing at the moment. Good books are hard to come by on our small isolated island.

I am praying...
that I feel better this afternoon. That the Lord provides protection for my daughter and her husband during deployment. That I can arrange my schedule so that I can go to the park and walk regularly again.

I am hearing...
only the wind blowing through the old plumeria tree outside my bedroom window.

Around the house....
not much is happening as we are staying at a friends home until we move next month.

A few plans for the rest of the week:
well...it's Friday today so the weekend is upon us here. I want to make time to see my daughters and grand-kids this weekend. I also desperately need alone time in a relaxing place...thinking about maybe getting a massage or spending time at the Mariana Resort Spa.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

taken while having happy hour at our favorite beach-side restaurant

Like this and want to join in writing and sharing a daybook entry?

Visit: The Simple Woman’s Daybook Here

You want to hear something funny?

2011-02-01T22:28:00.000+10:00

For those of you that know my "story" as of late...this might be rather humorous....

But I was just thinking.....that at present my life is way too complicated and I really need to simplify....

Sitting here smiling at myself.....

If you are new here and a bit confused- go through my October and November posts to understand....

Movie Premiere: Oba: The Last Samurai

2011-01-31T21:20:00.002+10:00

Today we were privileged to watch the premiere of a major motion picture that is due for release in Japan on February 11th, 2011.

Oba: The Last Samurai is based upon factual events that took place here on Saipan during the war in the Pacific. It was an emotional movie for Masaaki and I. We have lived in Saipan for the past thirty years and are well aware of the events that took place here during 1944-1945.


Captain Oba-December 1st, 1945

The movie is basically (I don't want to spoil it for my friends living in Japan) about Captain Oba, 46 other members of his force and 200 civilians that refused to surrender. He didn't believe stories he heard that Japan was defeated and lost the war. He thought it was American propaganda. Finally he was convinced to surrender (I won't tell you how-don't want to spoil the movie).

WW2 photo-Captain Oba surrenders

I always thought it was a shame that many Americans do not know the history of these islands. They have no knowledge of the bloody battles that were fought here that caused horrific casualties. American, Japanese and locals died here by the thousands.

On June 15, 1944 to July 9, 1944 - one of the fiercest Island Battles in the War in the Pacific was fought. This was the last line of Defense for the Japanese before the Philippines and Japan it self. Japan lost 30,000 Soldiers and 10,000 Civilians. The USA had 15,000 Casualties with 4,000 Dead.

Read those numbers again. This happened in less than a month's time.

I can't even imagine a horror scene like this.

My former mother-in-law was Chamorro (local-Saipanese). She remembered the war well. When the fighting began they fled to the caves in Marpi on the northern end of the island. My sister-in-law, their first child, was only a baby. She died in those caves-there was no food or water. My former in-laws were found by the Americans and taken to Camp Susupe-a civilian containment camp.

locals found hiding in caves

It's a normal thing to find WW2 artifacts all over the island. If you go down to any of Saipan's beaches you regularly find bullet casings and pieces of metal from explosives. I remember when we cleared the land to build our house on Saipan my (now soldier) daughter came running into the kitchen (she was about 9 years old at the time) with a grenade in her hand!! The kids had been playing in the cleared field and she found it in the dirt. I remember trying to be calm and taking it gently from her hand.

THANKFULLY it was just the outer casing -empty. They have been and are found intact. As a matter of fact, the navy comes here on a regular basis to help the local Emergency Management Office "dispose" of ordinance that is found. They collect it until they have "enough" and then the Navy comes from Guam to blow it up over in Marpi.

There have also been several injuries and I believe one death from construction workers clearing land and digging up a live ordnance.

a shot from WW2-surveillance over the northern end of Saipan

I'm including a couple of links that may be of interest to some of you.

American Memorial Park-Saipan

An Island Called Saipan-streaming video of the War in the Pacific

The Pacific War Theater-Pictures

Breaching the Marianas: The Battle for Saipan

There is SO MUCH history out here that I could post dozens and dozens of links.....if you do some searches you can find the information and tons of pictures yourself.

All this "war" stuff. (huge sigh)....

I wish it would just all stop.

But in the meantime- please remember to pray for our troops. They are our sons and daughters, nieces and nephews, mothers and fathers....our family. I know that many do not like what they do but they do what is necessary to protect the country from aggressors. I do not agree with war- but I also can't ignore it. We must deal with it until everyone on this planet realizes that violence solves nothing. It only begets more violence.

Ok- off my soapbox now. I hope you folks in Japan go and see the movie. I hope it shows in America. If not and you can get hold of the DVD-it's worth the watch. It has subtitles in English and Japanese so no worries on understanding the actors.

Peace.....

Thoughts of a military mom in a time of war.......

2011-01-30T21:25:00.000+10:00

Today I had one of the worst conversations of my life with my soldier daughter.

As I said in a previous post she is going to be deployed. Not a word I ever wanted to hear but...I knew was inevitable.

I also had my first real official introduction to the rules family members of deployed soldiers must follow. I had no idea there was such a thing. Well..I mean, I guess I didn't know there were real rules.

My daughter gave me a word to Google and told me to learn all I could about the rules of this word.

She said "mom, this is serious, please do this"...so I did.

The word is OPSEC

Here are a couple of links:

OPSEC 1

OPSEC 2

There are tons of links but those should pretty much give you a picture of what I am talking about. I must abide by these rules. I understand why and I agree.

Things are monitored. Not following the rules will cause problems for her and her unit. For me too.

It is, however, going to make it more difficult because I can't talk about things like I may need to.

We had "heard" that she would be going to a ...er..ummm....."safer location". If there is such a thing.

She told me today that was not possible. I'll leave it up to you to read between those lines.

I cried. Like a dog- as we say in Saipan.

Now for the conversation. She said, because she and her husband were both in the military and both being deployed that the army is requiring her to make a will. In this will she must state where her children will go in the event she and her husband are....KIA.

She discussed with me what to expect should the worst happen.

I think that you can probably imagine just how I felt having this conversation with my daughter. It was THE worst conversation I ever had to have and I hated it. But at the same time I understood the necessity of it.

I remember barely being able to choke out words. I wanted to be "strong". The strong and supportive mama. I quivered and cried like a baby.

You know, honestly, before I became an "Army Mom" I never really understood the sacrifice military families made. I saw the banners "support your troops". I read articles about military families...etc...etc... but you know, it really doesn't hit home until the shoe is on the other foot - on YOUR foot.

I point blank asked her today- "are you ..worried?". She hesitated and answered in a small voice..."yeah mom, I am".

(Crap- now I'm crying again. )

"Is it because of the location you are going to?"

hesitation....then

"yeah"

I began to ask another question and she stopped me....

"OPSEC mom"....

"yeah...." sigh.....

"OPSEC"

In the midst of everything else that is going on in my life, I'm trying to learn as much as I can about "deployment". How best to support my soldiers. What I can and can not do. There are a few things to learn.

I am also trying to scope out sites that may be a support to ME. I've read a few sites already and learned a few things. Like, when they first get there communication is hard. I mean, I know that (duh) but just how hard I didn't know. I'm reading about what sort of things to expect.

I'm trying to prepare emotionally. HA.

I think one of the hardest things will be that when we first get to Japan I won't have communication right away. I'll have to wait for Masaaki to get there so he can set up our internet and phones. He will still have communication in Saipan so I guess that will have to do.

I guess I'm just sort of rambling on here. If any of you "out there" know of online support groups please let me know.

I'll admit, one thing that will be hard living in Japan is the "alone" feeling of not having other army moms to talk to in my neighborhood. Whenever I travel to the States I enjoy the patriotism.

I enjoy seeing signs in windows of homes reading "Home of a Soldier". I enjoy seeing banners in supermarkets that say "Support Our Troops".

An online support community is going to be really important to me.

I am wearing her Boot-Camp dog-tags every single day.

If you have military families in your community-support them. You have no idea how hard it is on families when their soldier is deployed.

You can tell them-"pray and put it in the Lord's hands" but I'm telling you...words ring hollow sometimes and you find yourself going through all sorts of emotions. You know what you should do- but doing it is another story.

I wanted to add a map here for Mrs. Mac. She asked where Saipan was in relationship to Japan. Saipan is a part of the Northern Mariana islands- the Capital actually. It's about a 3.5 hour flight to Japan from here.

Thanks Shinmoedake

2011-01-29T23:51:00.000+10:00

Due to this bugger

We have volcanic haze that is clogging up my airway!

This is the volcano that's located in Kagoshima, Japan- it's called Shinmoedake.

Seems that the haze has drifted over the Mariana Islands. Either that or some other volcano around the neighborhood has burped and sent ash and haze over our area.

Kind of a bummer for me and others who have asthma. Spoiled my jog today. I can't go running around in volcanic haze, then I really get sick.

Right now my eyes burn and my throat is sore. Blech.

Anyhow, I surfed around on the net a bit and found some interesting pictures of the eruption. Look at this one with the volcanic lightening!

Here is an ariel shot of the volcano.

And another one taken on the ground in Japan.

We do have several active volcanoes in our area. Mt. Pagan, Anatahan and Sarigan are all northern islands and active volcanoes. I read that Pagan is spewing a bit of ash at the moment. I don't think that is what is causing our haze at the moment.

I'll try and take a picture of it tomorrow-it's pretty thick. You can barely see the ocean. The car is covered with a gray grit.

Not much else going on around here except for what I posted yesterday.

Counting down the days....

I'm here....

2011-01-29T00:36:00.001+10:00

I'm just tired.

Been:

-working on the curriculum for my English School in Japan

-doing research and ordering materials

-helping my daughter with some projects for her Master's Degree course

-helping a friend organize her English school here on Saipan

-teaching 17 adults in my adult ESL class

-took on 8 Jr. High kids (ESL) (plus the elementary kids I already had)
-working on designing my new blog site
-spending time with my daughters and grankids

Been reading your blogs but no real time to comment. Trying to get things organized here for my ...departure!

Bangladesh

2011-01-25T15:12:00.002+10:00

While sorting through the rest of our belongings I came across some old pictures from a trip that I took to Bangladesh many years ago.

I worked for the CNMI (Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands) Department of Public Health for ten years. During those years, together with the medical director, I built and managed the Communicable Disease Screening Program for Foreign Workers.

One of my responsibilities included having to communicate with the medical clinics responsible for the initial screening of workers in their respective countries.

During one year I had to travel to several of these countries and meet with their Ministries of Health, Labor and Manpower.

Bangladesh was on my itinerary.

I had NO idea what to expect before I left and to tell you the truth, when I arrived, I got the shock of my life.

I have never been to country that had such dire poverty. Ever.

I left Saipan with a delegation of about six people. We all worked for the CNMI Government but each person had his or her own agenda for the trip. We flew from Saipan to the Philippines and met with Philippine government officials. Next stop was Thailand and then off to Bangladesh.

It was early in the morning when our flight touched down on the runway at

Hazrat Shahjalal International Airport, Dhaka Bangladesh

We taxied to the gate area, barely running over an approximately eight foot cobra.

not a picture I took-just a picture of a cobra snake handler

Welcome to Bangladesh.

I figured I was in for adventure once I saw that snake. Sure, I'd seen snakes before. I was raised in the country in Wisconsin. We had lots of grass snakes hanging out in the barn.

Uh...this was no grass snake.

I almost peed my britches when we were told that there was no jet-way. Airport staff rolled a huge ladder on wheels up to the cabin door and we had to hike across the tarmac to the terminal. You better believe I hiked pretty darn fast.

I really wanted to take a picture of the huge sign hanging outside the entrance to the terminal. It read something like:

"Please be advised Bangladesh is home to many poisonous snakes including the cobra, please take precautions and be aware that snakes may be found everywhere."

Except, we were told not to take pictures at the airport. The sign really did nothing to help me feel at ease.

Our delegation was ushered into the "VIP" room at the airport terminal where we met with several "important" Bangladesh government officials. The likes of whom I can't seem to remember.

I do remember that they took one look at me (the only woman in the group) and spoke very urgently in Bangladeshi. (?) After about fifteen minutes I was told that arrangements had been made for me-I was to have a personal security guard for the duration of my trip.

My guard showed up a few minutes later complete with military uniform and M16 rifle. I found out much later on that it was because I was :

#1-white

#2 blond

#3 female

and......a possible target in a Muslim country.

I was blissfully unaware of this at the time.

There were several times I was very thankful for the guard. Every time I stepped out of the dark-tinted Montero they drove me around in I was absolutely overwhelmed by Bangladeshi citizens trying to have a look at me. Seriously. The guard kept people at a reasonable distance. They waited outside of the building I was in until I came out. Because I was with a foreign government I was looked upon as some sort of a celebrity. It was not fun. Really. I had no privacy to just enjoy the sights.

The above picture shows the line-up of people waiting outside one of the buildings I was in. These people were literally waiting to get a glimpse of me. Our Montero was parked on the left side of the narrow street. Here we had just gotten in the vehicle and I pulled out my camera to take a quick shot of this scene.

I had dreams of just walking around and sight-seeing in my spare time. HA. They would not allow me to leave the Hotel grounds unless I was with my side-kick and his gun.

And HE said "no"-we stay here (at the hotel). So..we sat in the garden area or the coffee shop and I read or chatted with the others who were there. No fair-the MEN got to take a side trip to Nepal to see the Himalayas !

I guess they just wanted to make sure I was safe.

In this picture you can see some of the dome shaped huts the very poor live in. They build these on the side of the road. the entire family lives in one of these huts.

Bangladeshi men selling bricks

A picture of me and the wife of one of the Bangladeshi Government officials

Here I am standing outside one of the many store "stalls" on the street. We had just come out of a meeting and I grabbed a quick photo-op. I usually covered my head while I was there-but I wanted an uncovered head for pictures. I was given several Bangladeshi Saris which I had to wear while attending meetings.

I also remember being woken up every morning at around 4:30am (or was it 5?) by the absolutely ear shattering Muslim prayers that blared from every street corner by huge speakers.

This happened about five times every day.

My hotel room had a sign on one wall that said:

"prayer mats available at the front desk"
"Mecca this way" (with an arrow pointing in the direction of mecca)

Official time of mourning begins......

2011-01-23T16:18:00.003+10:00

Yesterday was the beginning of my official "days of mourning" for Saipan.

Yesterday I had exactly 49 days before I leave for Japan.

A dear friend, who used to live in Saipan, and has spent years studying the Japanese culture (Japanese anthropology) sent me an email-here is a quote from that mail:

"As you may know, 49 days is the official number of days the family mourns for a lost one. After 49 days there is little mention of the person. So begin your official mourning for Saipan...Your new life begins then."

After I read it I thought...how appropriate for me.

A few days ago I needed to refill my joss-stick container and as opened the box to take out a few more to add to the container I noticed there were not many left. The thought crossed my mind-did I have enough to last until I left?

Amazingly, there were exactly enough sticks left in the box.

(yes-as Gaijinwife said-freaky)

49 joss sticks and 49 days left on Saipan.

I spent part of the day with a dear friend of mine at the little temple he lovingly cares for. He is 83 years old and his wife is not far behind him. The two of them wake each morning at 5:30 and open the little temple at 6am. They stay all day Monday to Saturday. Visitors come for many reasons. Some are tourists, some Buddhists, some just curious.

I go to see my dear old friend we talk, read, think and meditate in silence.

It was a good way to begin my last 49 days on Saipan.

Enjoy the pictures.

the peace bell inside the Nanmeido Temple

Picture of the entrance

the alter and priests prayer area

priests prayer area and my meditation cushion in the background

priests prayer area and the old priest's meditation cushion in the background

another view of the priests area and his cushion in the background

another view of the alter area

side view of alter

the old priest's slippers and the chair he sits in much of the time


Obosan's slippers and my meditation cushion in the back

I found a newspaper article about the old priest who tends to the temple:

Japanese who built House of Prayer returns to Saipan

Friday, March 20, 2009-Saipan Tribune

The Japanese man who built the Nanmeido or the Saipan International House of Prayer at the Sugar King Park in 1990 has moved to Saipan so he can maintain the temple until his death.

“I think it is my duty to preserve the temple to console the souls of the deceased soldiers,” according to 81-year-old Reverend Shinryu Akita.

After staying in Hawaii for almost 10 years, Akita and his 75-year-old wife came back on Feb. 26, 2009, to Saipan where they plan to stay permanently.

In an interview with Saipan Tribune yesterday, Akita said that, except for the Saipan Mayor's Office, no one has really tried to maintain the temple for many years.

“When we first came to visit the temple, it was very dusty,” said Akita.

While he was then staying in Japan, Akita shouldered most of the expenses to build the temple. The rest of the money came from donations from relatives and friends of soldiers who were killed during the Battle of Saipan.

It took five years to complete the House of Prayer's construction. Akita said it was built for the purpose of consoling the souls of American and Japanese soldiers who were killed during the war.

Akita said after its construction, a Japanese professor, a Sri Lankan Buddhist minister, and an African-American took turns maintaining the temple.

He said it's been many years now that no resident minister has been maintaining the House of Prayers.

Since arriving on the island last month, the Akita couple commute every day from their house on Capital Hill to Sugar King just to clean the House of Prayer. Akita said he and his wife's daily visits have paid off as they are almost done with the cleanup.

He encouraged visitors and local residents alike to visit the temple, which is open every day, and offer some prayers.

“I decided to stay here on Saipan permanently to preserve the temple as long as I live,” Akita added.

Gassho

More things to give away...

2011-01-22T08:27:00.002+10:00

Day before yesterday I rummaged through the boxes full of our personal items. These are the things we intend to take with us to Japan.

Now, if you recall, before we moved to our friend's house, we sold lock- stock- and barrel ( I wonder where that saying comes from?) just to survive.

I kept only those things that we "needed" or that I thought were special and had sentimental value.

I have to start packing our stuff into airline shipping boxes- so that means I have to sort through everything- again.

As I was beginning this ( now irritating) task I found myself putting things aside that I didn't want or thought we needed. Funny. I had SUCH a hard time a few months ago agonizing over what to get rid of! Now I see.... We still have too much junk!

So, I gave some more away to my daughter.

I guess I am still learning about myself. It is actually very liberating to do this... pare down to almost nothing.

It is a cleansing of sorts.

I'm still using my iPod for posting ....

Don't have the umph to go someplace - order a coffee so I can sit and use free Internet.. Maybe later.

Issues

2011-01-21T21:47:00.001+10:00

We have some Internet issues where we are staying. Somehow the signal has become so weak in our room that I can only get my iPod to connect to Internet! I'm telling you, trying to type an entire post on it is murder.

In case you are not aware, you type by using one finger. I am not sure how this is going to turn out. My hand already has a cramp.

$&@;()/!!!!!!

Crap! I had a lot more typed but somehow it got " lost" my hand is too cramped to continue. More later from McDonald's or someplace with free WiFi .

Sheesh

Realizing that things are slowly winding down here....

2011-01-18T19:21:00.003+10:00

On Sunday I spent the afternoon with my youngest daughter and her youngest son. Her other two children went to the 'farm" with her father-in-law.

We stopped by Subway and used the points on our cards to get a couple of subs and drinks and then we headed down to "Smiling Cove" to sit on the pier and talk.

It was one of those mother and daughter heart-to-heart days.

I treasured EVERY moment. Every moment. I shared with her some things that had been on my heart for a while. We talked about life and what the future might hold. She is going through a rough time with her personal life and part of me feels guilty for leaving her.

But....that's life. I can't hover over my children forever. It's hard though isn't it? It is hard letting go.

It was a great day. We stopped by Mariana's Resort around 4pm and had a mother-daughter happy hour drink. I had my white wine and she had her Chi-Chi. We toasted life and change....and the ability to approach each positively.

Can I tell you a secret? Later on that night as we turned out the lights and went to bed....I cried my eyes out. I sobbed, actually.

Yes, I am looking forward to moving to Japan. Really looking forward to it. But....I am going to miss the kids-that's just a fact.

I was thinking about how my parents left Germany after they got married and moved to America. Us kids grew up never really knowing our relatives. We never really had cousins and aunts and uncles....or even grandparents. They came once in a while on Lufthansa Airlines and brought us German chocolates and slippers and dolls.

But we never really "knew" them....you know?

I left home and moved to Saipan when I was 19. So I guess I was no different. At least my kids were all raised here. They know their family here...and never lacked for aunties or cousins!

But they never really knew my family......

Sometimes I worry that my grankids won't really "know" me after we move.....

I am thinking about finding a way to always keep in touch with them so that I will always be special in their lives. I want to be creative about it and make it fun and special. If anyone has any ideas please let me know!

As the days wind down and I get closer to my departure date....I realize that I need to make the best out of the time I have left. Because even though life here has been rough lately.....leaving will be bitter-sweet and I will cry. I will.

I am glad though that we can offer the kids a place to come to and visit. A place they can learn about new things, see new sights. Saipan does not have much to offer. So we are glad that we can offer the kids something "new".

Anyhow....maybe I'm rambling at the moment. Actually I'm feeling a little melancholy to tell the truth.

I'll be ok. This is life and I know that. Nothing new under the sun.

What is your secret dream?

2011-01-16T10:51:00.002+10:00

I mean....is there anything that you would do if given the chance?

Anything at all-even something crazy?

Most of us have families and responsibilities and are also tied down by financial constraints so we live our lives day to day as best as we can. Hopefully balancing our days with work and enjoyment.

After-all the everyday life...is life.

I found this blog on another blogger's site:

More glimpses of unfamiliar Japan

I love looking at travel sites with lots of pictures and information about places all around this planet. I was looking through this site this morning while waiting for the bedsheets to wash and my mind starting wandering as I was looking at the pictures. I saw myself wandering around the planet from country to country taking in the scope of this beautiful place we humans call home.

I saw myself sitting in a cafe someplace on a European river.

I watched myself as I walked dusty cobbled streets in the Middle East.

.....and wandered around the ruins of long empty castles on Scottish moors......

Once and a while we have tossed around the idea of "falling-into" a large sum of money and then talking about what we would do with it.

I never really knew what I would do. I mean I had some ideas but I never felt like there was anything that I really needed or wanted.

But this morning - I knew.

If I ever somehow had enough money that I could actually choose what I wanted-then I'd travel-but more than than- I'd wander. I wouldn't go on "tours".

Nope, I'd invest in a good camera and traveling supplies and off I'd go. Of course I'd do some studying first and make a plan of where I wanted to go.

But,....as I sit here and wistfully look through travel pictures-that's what I would do. I'd stop by and visit all of you out there in your countries.

It's a rainy, hazy Sunday today...good for daydreaming......

Studying my Hiragana characters

2011-01-15T22:43:00.001+10:00

I've been putting more time and effort into learning Japanese characters.

What I'd really like to do is have a word with the person responsible for inventing so many of them.

Just a teeny sampling....

It is going to take a lot of studying and effort on my part to learn to read and write Japanese. But I am just stubborn enough to do it.

I'm also cranking up speaking more Japanese.

I'm pleased at how much I already know. At least if I really need the restroom I already know how to ask where it is.

I am determined to be as fluent as possible in Japanese. If you would have asked me years ago had I thought I would ever speak Japanese I would have just scratched my head and laughed.

I guess already speaking two other languages besides English is helpful. I love learning languages. It really opens up a whole new world when you can communicate with people of another culture in their own language and country!

I've decided......

2011-01-14T23:16:00.000+10:00

That this blog will be officially open for 58 more days and then...will be closed.

I plan on beginning an entirely new blog once I am in Japan. There are lots of reasons for this-I think the main one is that it will help me psychologically in some way.

I am working on designing and naming the blog now.....

don't worry...I'll post a link to it on this site....

I REALLY need to start working on packing....

Get your long johns out.....

2011-01-13T21:28:00.000+10:00

Ok- I'm going to switch gears here for a bit because I have come across some very interesting information that I want to share.

I am trying my best to check these things out so that I don't post nonsense information.

I've come across many sites that give information that Europe is in the beginnings of another ices age. So I am going to post a bunch of them for your "browsing pleasure".

Glaciers are GROWING

OOps....Al...you were wrong

Oh...what the heck-here is the whole list

And...more fun stuff:

Life on this Earth Just Changed
The North Atlantic Current is Gone

The latest satellite data establishes that the North Atlantic Current (also called the North Atlantic Drift) no longer exists and along with it the Norway Current. These two warm water currents are actually part of the same system that has several names depending on where in the Atlantic Ocean it is.

The entire system is a key part of the planet's heat regulatory system; it is what keeps Ireland and the United Kingdom mostly ice free and the Scandinavia countries from being too cold; it is what keeps the entire world from another Ice Age. This Thermohaline Circulation System is now dead in places and dying in others.

It is a university level physics experiment to use a tub of cool water and inject a colored stream of warm water into it. You can see the boundary layers of the warm water stream. If you add oil to the tub it breaks down the boundary layers of the warm water stream and effectively destroys the current vorticity . This is what is happening in the Gulf of Mexico and in the Atlantic Ocean.

See this blog for more info

Well....don't know what to say really.....looking forward to your comments....

DEATH of the Gulf Stream????

2011-01-13T19:58:00.003+10:00

Have you guys seen this or heard about it? If these scientists are correct...do you realize what this could mean???

This really concerned me and I had to post it.

Here is also an informative link:

Death of Gulf Stream

One down one to go....

2011-01-12T21:58:00.001+10:00

I've spent the past few days running around doing research into air and cargo fares.

We are definitely on a budget so I wanted to get the most "bang for my buck" as we say in Wisconsin!

We sold most everything so all we really have to take along are some "special" things that have been in my family for a long time and...my teaching materials. And I guess some clothing.

Continental's airfare was the cheapest coming in at 421.00 one way- however they only allow one free bag per passenger and charge $80.00 for each extra bag. The real problem is that we have to transit in Guam to catch the flight to Fukuoka.

Continental has a partnership with "Cape Air" between here and Guam- it's nick-named "crap air" and you can imagine why. The airplanes are old rust-bucket propeller planes. They seat about 20 (or is it 25??) people and can't really carry cargo. Sooo...that was a problem.

Delta is one of the other airlines that flies between here and the rest of the civilized world. Delta's airfare weighed in around $495 one way and they offer two bags free.....BUT...they charge a whopping $200 per extra bag!!! Hello!

Asiana's airfare was about $20.00 more than Delta, they offer two free bags and charge $50.00 per extra bag. They assured us extra bags wouldn't be a problem (my friend is the supervisor). So...they won-hands down.

It's official- I leave March 13th at 2:20am. Bought my ticket today. The route transits through Korea. I leave here around 2:20am and arrive at 11am Japan time.

Not so bad.

Masaaki leaves 2-3 weeks later- he is staying around here for a bit to wrap things up.

Now...I have to get cracking on weeding through what we have left and begin packing boxes carefully to distribute the weight.

Every time I turn around another day has passed...!

It's Official

2011-01-12T12:37:00.000+10:00

March 13 at 2:20 am- via Seoul Korea. More later.

Downtown "Rundu-ville"

2011-01-09T20:59:00.001+10:00

My four-year old grandson Ryan LOVES Leggo.

He can't have enough of them!

He plays with them constantly and he really comes up with some interesting activities using Leggo.

He went to the beach with his mom and dad. He brought his Leggo, of course....

He spent the day building himself an entire Leggo village!

Because of the isolation and remoteness of the islands, kids here do not have all the fantastic toys that kids in America or other developed nations have. I remember spending a lot of time "using our imagination" while playing with my girls on the island when they were little.

I heard that even the adults got into helping Ryan build his village!

Not too long ago while my other grandsons were here we went to Managaha, a small "picnic" island about ten minutes by boat off-shore. We spent the day making "people" out of coconuts and setting them up on display. The tourists had a grand time taking pictures with them!

Here is the master village-maker himself!

Ryan-AKA-Rundu

If you could see me now.....

2011-01-07T23:02:00.000+10:00

Just a little update on the grankids. These are the ones who left on Christmas day to move to America. Their mom, my daughter, ended her tour in Korea. While in Korea for two years she was not allowed to bring her children to live with her. She finished up her tour and was transferred to a base in the States.....but....has to deploy to Afghanistan in February.

You know.....you would think that after a three year separation (3 years including boot-camp and AIT training) the army would allow her some down time with her family. We are finding out that the army is at the bottom of the list as far as being family friendly. We have heard this from many army families now and are experiencing it firsthand.

At any rate....she was at least able to get her children and bring them with her to the states. The kids will live with the other grandparents while our daughter and her new husband deploy next month. Yes, they are BOTH being deployed. Sigh....very hard on the kids to say the least.

BUT...the wonderful thing is that the boys are now reunited with their sister who has lived with the other grandparents for six years....it has been a very emotional reunion.

My grand-daughter not know her brothers and mom were coming!

It's DONE!

2011-01-06T19:18:00.000+10:00

I can't believe it...the Japan counselor's office called Masaaki today and said we could come in tomorrow and pick up my passport...my visa has been stamped!

That didn't take two weeks...that took two DAYS!

I guess living in a really small community and being "well-known" must have helped.

That and having had my name on the Koseki Tohon for 12 years I guess...maybe. I dunno and I don't care...

it's DONE!

Now...let the packing begin in earnest!

Whahooo! Nihon...get ready...another crazy gaijin on the way!

Gaijinwife....start chillin the umeshu...!

Submitted....

2011-01-04T17:33:00.004+10:00

the documents to obtain my Japanese spousal visa..! This morning's appointment at the Japan Consulate went well. They accepted our documents, took my passport and said they will give us a call when my passport (with visa stamp) is ready for pick up. It should take about two weeks.

What we didn't know was that -it was FREE. Because I am a US Passport holder there is some sort of treaty between the US and Japan that waives the fee. Another blessing!

So...in about two weeks time I will be able to get on a plane at any time and leave for Japan-to LIVE...not just as a tourist....not just to stay for a while and wish....I didn't have to leave.

We are thinking about me going first....maybe around the first week of March....to give me time to be a little independent (mom and step dad and family are there so I wouldn't really be alone).

I will spend time cleaning and arranging our little house....I get goosebumps (from excitement) just thinking about it! What fun for me....alone...cleaning and arranging ..... and infusing every corner with my energy and the intentions of love, laughter, warmth and a welcoming spirit ....turning it into a home. Where our friends and family find something special in every little nook and cranny. Places to sit and read, places to share meals....to drink tea...to laugh and have fun. Places to be intimate and places to meditate and spend time in prayer.

Creating "spaces" is so important to creating a wonderful and inviting atmosphere in the home and something I excel at....and am looking forward to doing soon!

If I'm alone I can fully concentrate.

Getting a feel for the neighborhood- OUR neighborhood. Spending time in solitude looking out at our mountain view from the kitchen window.

Having a silent cup of tea in the tatami room....or some time in quiet meditation. Giving Japan and I some time to be alone with one-another. For the two of us to bond in silence.....to embrace....because I have come home. Finally...home.

Fifteen years ago, before I ever met Masaaki, on my way to Wisconsin to get my divorce, I had to transit in Japan.

I had an overnight layover in Narita and the airlines put the kids and I in a hotel.

We had time the next morning to wander about a bit so we took a little walk down the road. There was an open gate leading towards a field that was filled with butterflies. When the girls saw them they took off running! I followed them into the field and watched them laugh and run and play....it was balm to my weary soul at that time.

I was on the verge of being "released" from a very abusive marriage of 15 years. The kids knew what was happening and the past few days had been a nightmare of emotion.

As my little girls played - I stood in silence and watched them. My eyes wandered over the field and bamboo forest in the distance. I noticed a small, quaint farmhouse with traditional Japanese architecture...old wooden fence....some people in straw hats working in a rice field....

I had always been fascinated with Japan. I think I must have read Memoirs of a Geshia ten times just because it is so descriptive....

So, as I stood in that field...and drinking in every millisecond .......something strange happened.

This is not something I have shared with many people and I swear it is absolute truth.

I stood there and these thoughts came into my mind...."someday, you will live here, in Japan".

Those were the exact words I heard......

It was as if someone else was speaking, because the thought actually shocked me. I would never think such thoughts because...they were impossible....how could I possibly live in Japan? I was on the verge of divorce and didn't think I would ever live on this side of the globe again!

I have never forgotten those words....several times recently I pulled up that memory and pondered....was it a premonition? I may never know...but I do know this.....

Japan is just around the corner now......

Our New year's Eve

2011-01-02T20:43:00.002+10:00

This was the first year that Masaaki and I have not been around the kids for the holidays.

I mean, we saw them-but usually our holidays are filled with cooking and family and lots of busy-ness!

Not this year.

This year it was pretty much just the two of us and-we both remarked that despite missing the kids it was in fact the nicest New Year's Eve that WE have spent together since we've been married.

We didn't have much money but I did set a little on the side so we could at least have dinner.

So we kind of hopped around the island and made the best of the small budget we had and you know what? We had a wonderful time!! First stop was Hyatt Hotel for happy hour drinks (50% off during happy hour).

They had Kadomatsu arranged in front of the Japanese Restaurant so I grabbed a photo opportunity. Kadomatsu is a traditional Japanese New year's decoration-my favorite!

Then we went to a friend's Japanese Restaurant where we always get a discount. The entire dinner cost less than $40 and we were full!

I even got to have a glass of umeshu (Japanese plum wine).

We still had time before midnight so we went down to Mariana Resort Hotel and had a cup of coffee and watched some of the tourists enjoying the New Year's Eve festivities that the hotel had going on.

During coffee we did a lot of talking. Talking about the past year and how terribly difficult it had been for us. But while talking we realized that we were indeed so blessed. Honestly, the difficulties brought out many things that perhaps we took for granted. We talked alot about our marriage. We realized that the difficulties had brought us closer together as a couple and we were so thankful for that. Many times difficulties tear marriages apart. This may sound a bit mushy- but I really found out how much my husband loves me throughout all of this. He is honestly my very best friend and life partner. Yeah, yeah...all marriages have their kinks... and no marriage is perfect-neither is ours...but these difficulties brought out a side of my husband that I had not seen before. He became my defender, my supporter and confidant.

He told me he felt likewise. We spoke heart to heart that night and it was such a beautiful way to end the old year and begin the new. I felt absolutely blessed.

At eleven-thirty we headed over to the Sugar King Park. There is a small temple there run by an old priest. We read in the paper that the priest was on island from Japan and was going to open the temple and ring the bell-the ceremony is called Joya. The temple bell is rung 108 times on New Years Eve.

Masaaki and I were the first to arrive. The temple was dark- candles the only source of light. The old priest and his wife were making some small preparations.

We waited. When the priest finished, he called us and said it was time to begin. The priest hit the bell first, then Masaaki and then I. We burned incense and prayed.

We waited a few more minutes in the small temple savoring the insense and quiet....and noticed the background noises of people screaming "happy new year" and blaring of party horns. We smiled at each other in the candle light.

We much preferred the peace and serenity of the temple.

We bowed to the priest...

we held hands.....and descended the temple stairs.

the temple during the daytime

Others were arriving at the temple.

We arrived home and watched the fireworks from the driveway of the house which is situated on a hill.

It was a wonderful night. A fitting closure to the past year and the beginning of a new one.

New Year's Eve morning...preparing for New Year (Oshogatsu)

2010-12-31T14:21:00.001+10:00

Farewell 2010

You have taught us much. You came not without suffering but you taught us the meaning of

"Ganbarimasu"

which means something like:

FIGHT! DON'T GIVE UP! PERSEVERE!

but persevere with equanimity.

This morning Masaaki prepared out Kagami Mochi- a traditional Japanese New Year's decoration.

Mochi is a sticky rice cake that is eaten mostly during New Year's. A typical Kagami-Mochi is a stack of two round Mochi, the smaller sitting on top of the larger with a Mikan (Japanese tangerine-"daidai") with a leaf on top. The history of Kagami Mochi dates back to ancient times, around the fourteenth-sixteenth century. Kagami means "mirror"The name kagami ("mirror") and is said to have originated from its resemblance to an old-fashioned kind of round copper mirror, which also had a religious significance. The two mochi discs are said to symbolize the going and coming years, the human heart, "yin" and "yang," or the moon and the sun. The "daidai," (Japanese tangerine) whose name means "generations", is said to symbolize the continuation of a family from generation to generation.

Traditionally the kagami mochi was placed in various locations throughout the house at New Years’. Today it is usually placed in a household Shinto altar, or kamidana. It can also be placed in the tokonoma, a small decorated alcove in the main room of the home.We put ours somewhere in our kitchen. But this year we have no kitchen, so it's in our room.

New year's in Japan is a special "religious" and auspicious event, the decorations all have a special meaning. New Year's Eve is spent with family. Something that I have come to love. Traditional Japanese New Year's food is eaten and there is no "loud partying" and blowing of paper horns. I can't do New Year like that anymore simply because I now prefer the Japanese way.

Many people go to the temple and wait for the stroke of midnight when the temple priest will strike the temple bell 108 times. Buddhists believe people have 108 desires that cause suffering and each toll of the bell helps people rid themselves of those sufferings.

Our Kagami Mochi is made of plastic-that's the best we can do here. Inside the plastic Mochi is real mochi that we can eat later.

Here is Masaaki preparing our Kagami Mochi

Tonight we'll go to the Japanese Sugar King park for the ringing of the temple bell....108 times......more on that after we come home....

Have a safe and happy New Year's celebration!

Time for a CHANGE!

2010-12-29T23:20:00.002+10:00

Ok-This blog has rather gone down a road I never meant it to go and it's getting down-right depressing!

That's going to STOP right now!

But I guess- I needed to let myself grieve for a bit. To go through a season.

Time for a new year!

Tonight Masaaki and I went to the Mochitsuki festival in Garapan (village) Saipan..

It was FUN! It was loud with Japanese drumming and dancing! There was fantastic food, and a festive atmosphere!

The local Japanese association has organized and sponsors a Japanese dance group- Awaodori. Awa-is the name of the place in Japan where this type of dance originated and odori means "dance".

The dance group is made up of local children from the island. They are trained by Japanese who live here. The even went to Japan dance! It's great to watch them....they are full of energy and the rhythm of the drums are infectious...makes you want to join them!

New year is around the corner!

Last year I put up a post that detailed Japanese New Year's Decorations.

It's an interesting post and if you know nothing about The two pictures of Japanese New Year's decorations that I've pasted on my blog- well..then you should read last years post!!

It tells all about Kagami Mochi and Kadomatsu!

making "mochi" at the festival

pounding away!

and...pounding!!

pounding and kneading the dough

mochi dough pounding lesson

the kids energetically dancing away!

getting ready for the stage dance

Just a simple post for today....

2010-12-29T07:39:00.000+10:00

And at the end of all our exploring we will be able to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. T.S. Eliot

Today, be where you are and realize you have never been here before.....

*****

Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace.

The Buddha

Time to say goodbye.....

2010-12-25T20:29:00.002+10:00

Grandpa helping to get dressed at 3:30am Christmas Day morning

checking in-leaving for a new life

painful good-bye

we love you so much

no words to express our pain in your leaving

We know it's for the better.....and they will have a better life away from this god-forsaken island...but

the pain of seeing them leave is almost unbearable....

we went home and sobbed

and sobbed

just sobbed

Our soldier finished her contract in Korea and stopped by Saipan to get her kids and move on to her next duty station. The army gave her ONE day on the ground in Saipan. That day just happened to be Christmas eve. She arrived at midnight on Christmas eve and had to depart at 6am Christmas Day.

This is life. Everything changes. Nothing ever stays the same. Most things are not to our liking and when it rains...it usually pours.

So...once again, we look for the best in the situation. The kids will have a better life in America. They will be reunited with their sister. They will be with mom and dad.

So, we move on. Once again...we move on.

82 more days and we will be walking up that hallway, leaving for our own "new life"-off to Japan.

Honestly, I can't wait. I will miss our kids and grand kids still here on the island. But to tell you the truth, the stress of everything that has hit us over the past few months has been almost over whelming. Every time I turn around it seems like there is something else to deal with.

I am looking forward to our little house in Japan. To making a garden and puttering around my shiny little kitchen. To arranging the rooms to our liking and making it cozy, warm and comfy.

To cleaning and airing out rooms in spring-time and the smell of new tatami mats when we replace the old ones. The pleasant joy of a neat, clean and orderly home.

I am looking forward to a swept walk and neat little garden area in which to have a cup of coffee or tea.

I am looking forward to the order of Japan as I am SO weary of the drudgery, ugliness and unkempt areas of this island.

I am dreaming of Japan and longing for it like never before.

So, now in my dark moments I think about what is waiting for us. For the blessing that God has prepared for us. And I ask for a little more patience. A little more grace to get us through these next couple of months.

For some of my recent readers....

2010-12-19T21:31:00.000+10:00

I've had many people email me and ask questions about our situation here....thank you for your concern and prayers. For some of the recent visitors....if you look in the early October posts you'll be able to read about why we are in the predicament we are in at the moment. We were "normal" people - middle class, fairly decent income....until the all but collapse of our government and economy here.

As a word of warning to you....never ever think it can't happen to you. Be thankful for each and every thing you have. At moments notice-it can all disappear....

On Christmas without presents...

2010-12-19T13:23:00.007+10:00

The other day I was in a store I frequent. I know all the cashiers there, all nice friendly ladies. We always chit-chat about things.

As I was standing at the counter paying for my $1.45 pack of copy paper, "Joy", the cashier asked me if I had all my Christmas shopping done.

I was doing fine until then. I mean, I just put it out of my head. I didn't think about the fact that we couldn't even afford to buy one present for any of our grandchildren this year. I occupied my mind with other thoughts. I've been avoiding magazines with holiday pictures, reading blog posts about holiday shopping, even avoiding looking around too much in the stores when I go in to shop for necessities.

But, there I stood...and had to answer Joy's question.

I could have lied and said, yeah..sure. All done for this year....or something like that.

But I didn't. I felt like I would have cheated Joy and myself of a blessing had I lied and walked out of the store.

So, I quietly said

"No Joy...I didn't buy any presents this year, for anyone."

I think she read between the lines...because she slowly and quietly responded

"It's so hard this year...isn't it?"

"Yes...it is."

"What will happen to us here Mrs. Nakamura?"

...deep sigh....

"I don't know Joy, but I do know that it will be ok"

"ok?"

"yes-ok"

and I smiled at her

"you are strong Mrs. Nakamura"

...deep sigh...

"on my own....nope...but by the Grace of God...I can face anything"

and I meant it

"Merry Christmas, Joy"

"Merry Christmas to you to, Mrs. Nakamura"

****
I finished this post and I published it...but realized that there was more I wanted to say.

There was a burning inside that wanted to express what I was learning through all of this. There were so many things...but the timing of this was all important somehow.

During the holiday season it is not uncommon for people to give to food drives. Donate to soup kitchens, volunteer to feed the homeless. It gives you a "warm" feeling to do something "nice" for those that are less fortunate.
Our school always collected toys for low-income kids at Christmas time.

I usually always participated in one way or another in some worthy project. For several years I was part of the Pastor Support Program, sponsoring poor pastors in China and Bangladesh. They in turn fed the hungry and clothed the naked.

I never expected the shoe to be on the other foot. It came swiftly.

I realized something. You do NOT understand how the "less fortunate" feel until you become one.

You do NOT really see how blinded by the tinsel, the shopping, baking, parties... the busyness of it all the world has become until you are no longer able to participate in it.....

.......and you have joined the "order of the less fortunate".

Do not misunderstand. I am not bitter. On the contrary. I am humbled and standing in awe.

I understand now why the Word was made Flesh and why this was so utterly important to us.

I mean, I did understand it intellectually before..but now...NOW I really understand it, first hand. I feel it, I taste it and identify with it.

Just like I can now identify with the less fortunate that I used to help....because I have become one.

We have heard it time and time again...Jesus came as a man so that we could identify with Him as a human. It's hard for man to have a relationship with an impersonal "God".

He came for us...left his Holy home, set his robe and crown aside so we could identify with him as flesh and blood.

Do you understand what a sacrifice this was? How utterly driven by complete and total love for us?

I think I am beginning to be able to touch the fringes of it in my mind....

This experience continues to be the most holy experience I have ever had.

What a gift I have been given-and actually I am sorry for those that will never get to experience this first hand. It is as if I have been allowed a glimpse...a morsel...a tiny thread of the mystery that surrounds Immanuel....God with Us.

While most of the world races about blindly, crossing off items on a "list"....I sit in silence and wonder...and awe.

Perhaps...I am not less - fortunate after all. Perhaps.....I am more fortunate than many.

Merry Christmas...indeed.

Update on one month to live...

2010-12-19T08:58:00.001+10:00

I've added a new page on my blog that will be dedicated to my thoughts as I read though the book "One Month To Live". Please click on "One Month To Live" in the tab section at the top of my blog posts to follow along! I should begin posting entries sometime tonight.

The book

2010-12-17T22:19:00.000+10:00

I've started reading the book I talked about in my last post.

The book is laid out as a workbook. It gets you involved doing something, not just reading.

I couldn't purchase it at our local bookstore because they only ordered one copy of it :(

SO, I downloaded it on Kindle.

I got myself a little notebook to use for my notes and thoughts.

The book makes a statement in the introduction: "Life comes down to what transpired between the "dash" in between the dates on the gravestone. "

"The only way we can live for eternity is to embrace each day as a gift from God."

The introduction of the book also asks a question:

"Without thinking too hard or too long, make a list of five things you'd change if you knew you only had a month to live. Choose at lease one to begin changing, right now."

Everyone's list will be different.

Oh, so...you want to know what MY list was?

I'll share mine if some of you will share yours, deal?

Here goes: (don't laugh )

1) I'd stop spending so much time worrying whether the floors were clean and if the furniture needed to be dusted. (seriously-I am fanatical about housekeeping)

2) I'd stop meddling so much in my adult children's lives -thinking I have to solve all of their problems. I'd just enjoy them and my grandchildren. (helicopter parents, please raise your hands)

3) I'd take more time to stop and smell the roses and just -relax.

4) I'd stop sweating the small stuff-I am way too uptight for my own good.

5) I'd let go of things that were not mentally and emotionally healthy for me.

So, that's as far as I have gotten for the moment. From time to time I'll give an update as I plod along through this book. You are supposed to go through it in a month but...it may take me longer. I have floors to mop and kids to worry over.

What if....

2010-12-14T22:28:00.000+10:00

My friend is reading a book called something like "what if you had one month to live"...I think that's the title anyhow...

She was telling me that it's a devotional book about just what the title implies....that you have a month to live, and asks you how you would live that month ....the book teaches you how to live each day without regrets.

I'm interested in reading the book, but for now....I have a question for my readers.

What if you had one month to live? How would that change your blog posts? What about your comments?

Yeah...yeah...I know, it's an old question...but ...think about it seriously for a moment and see if you can honestly answer the question.

I'm interested in your responses......I'm thinking about mine....

I'm telling you...it's a daily walk.

2010-12-12T11:45:00.003+10:00

I don't remember this past Monday and Tuesday. They kind of blurred into one another.

But I remember Wednesday.

Wednesday was a legal holiday here so the kids and Hubs were off of school and work.

That in itself kind of bummed me out. I had to get up early and leave my cozy bed while everyone else got to sleep in. So I'll just be honest and say, I started the day off on the wrong foot because I had an attitude about having to get up and "go to work". Even if "work" was only teaching a part-time (3 hours) ESL class.

It made me grumpy-I'll admit it.

My students noticed my "mood" and a few asked me "are you ok, teacher?".

Whoops-never want your mood to show in class, so I managed to put on a HUGE (fake) smile and ...make something up (lie).

So, now, I was not only having an attitude problem, I was lying about it.

I should have seen that I was on a collision course with an emotional train wreck....

but...I kept right on going.

I came home after class and brought my grumpy arse along with me.

My (cheerful) husband and grandsons only irritated me further.

I think once you board the "woe-is-me" train and let er' rip down the track...she only picks up steam and it's hard to stop.

The boys wanted to get out of the house. Grams wanted to stay in and bury her head in the sand. Maybe have a good cry and revel in feeling sorry for herself and her pitiful situation.

Thankfully hubby wouldn't let me. He ~~forced~~ urged me to go along with them to the driving range. A cheap way to spend an afternoon with the boys and one that they enjoyed immensely.

"You can take your track shoes and go for your run there."

"Yeah...oooook ."

So I hauled my grumpy arse, track shoes and all, to the driving range.

Now...I already TOLD you about that little nativity set that caught my eye, right? Well...on the way to the driving range we passed THIS one in front of the multi-purpose building....

Yes it caught my eye.

Yes-I felt a "nudge" in my heart....ok..so..maybe more like a whap in the head.

But by now..I was on a run-away train so I let out a little puff of air, you know, like when you are irritated but can't voice it.

Hubs heard it, turned sideways in the car to glance at me and said "what?".

"Nothing.... I didn't say anything "

He knew better than to dig deeper.

We get to the driving range and the boys get their baskets of balls, choose their t-boxes and start slamming balls out onto the range.......and enjoying themselves immensely....

And Gramma "grumpily" went for her walk....

The walk at the golf course is beautiful. So it wasn't long before some of that grumpiness began to crumble off of me and fall in bits and pieces by the roadside.

I began to feel just a wee bit guilty for my lousy attitude. As I walked I couldn't help but notice the earthy smells that were lazily drifting along in the afternoon sun...stirred up by butterfly wings as they fluttered about their business.

If anything calms the savage best within me, it's being outdoors.
The more I walked, the calmer I became.

About thirty minutes into my walk...I began to feel that ole familiar nudge in my spirit...the kind I get when "God" is calling my spiritual "cell phone".

I was still holding on to a little bit of "grumpy" (funny how we humans like to do that) so I rather hesitantly answered..and none to friendly either.

"sigh...yeah?"

I heard a small still voice...say to my heart...

"ahem....but...can I ask you...are you lacking anything today?"

...."I mean...do you have need of anything right at this moment...?"

Rather threw me for a loop. I couldn't honestly say there was anything lacking in my life at the moment. I mean, if I was going to be HONEST about it...I had to admit...there was nothing that I needed at the current moment. I had everything I really needed ...and more-truth be told.

I began thinking about everything I had in my life....

I still had both parents.....

I had Anna..my middle daughter-who worked tremendously hard through very difficult times to get her teaching degree.

I had my wonderful, loving husband.....

I had LOTS of beautiful grandchildren....

I had my daughter Christina-who has grown into one of America's finest soldiers.

I love my wonderful daughters.....

and I had a wonderful...wonderful new son-in-law

And we were really blessed when we were able to sell off everything ...quickly

The HUGE blessing came when hubby came home from Japan in October and said that there was a house, fully furnished ...waiting for us in Japan!

It even had a mountain view...something I've been dreaming of...

with traditional Japanese style rooms...another secret dream....

and soon...we'd be living in Japan and these scenes would become a daily reality.....

I was blessed with good friends....

and even though it was a small one- I had JOB...with great students.....that in itself was a huge blessing

I am not, and never will have to live in a place like this (North Korea)...and face these sorts of horrors...

And in the interm, while we are waiting to move to Japan....I got to live in a beautiful place like this...

I walked for an hour but my mind went over years....and at the end of the day my mood had changed from one of self pity-to thankfulness....

Sometimes it's a daily battle of the mind. Many times. But I'm finding out that with perseverance and help from God. I'm doing better at "being happy" despite outward circumstances....

A closer look reveals the treasure underneath the pile of dust....

It's easy enough.....

2010-12-07T21:51:00.001+10:00

....to feel that "holiday spirit" when you are comfortable. When there have been no really big earth-shaking events to rock your world. When you can sit comfortably in your cozy kitchen, sipping a cuppa and admiring your beautifully decorated home. The soft glow of the Christmas tree as it lights up the corner of your living room. The pine branches and holly adorning your fireplace mantle....so beautiful and picturesque-right out of Normal Rockwell!

I've had many Christmas's like that. Presents piled high neath the tree. Christmas treats lined up on the kitchen counters and in little bowls on the coffee table. Wonderfully scented candles and fine Christmas linens adorning the table.

It's easy to walk around with the Christmas spirit in your heart and a Christmas carol on your lips when things are good and life is comfortable.

But...what about...when most of your physical possessions have been ripped away? What about when the bottom drops out and you have to choose between buying food and paying bills? What then?

Can you still sing along full spirited when the radio plays "Deck The Halls" ? Do you still feel that special little feeling in your tummy ...anticipating the coming of Christmas Eve?

Does a wave of excitement sweep over you when you walk into the store and see all the beautifully advertised items...on SALE for Christmas...and know that no matter how low the price drops, you still can't afford them??

Or....do you find yourself wondering....what Christmas is really supposed to be? What Christmas is really supposed to feel like and smell like and look like??

I've been pretty vague in my posting the past couple of weeks. Some of you know our situation and know that what I am describing here is our reality at the moment. The financial bottom dropped out of our lives-not because we were incompetent or irresponsible but simply because...the economy here bottomed out and we were sucked down the hole when the land slid away. (See previous posts for more detail).

Someone mentioned to me on Facebook that perhaps it might help people in difficult situations if I wrote more...openly and transparently about my feeling and how I am coping because she told me that my husband and I are some of the strongest people she knows. I'm not so sure about being some of the strongest..maybe "stubbornest" is a better word. :)

I sat outside at our new "house" the other night and gazed up at a cloudless starry sky. The view from our friends home, where we have now taken refuge, is absolutely beautiful.

I sat outside alone for quite a while. I watched the silhouettes of tropical palms gently swaying in the cool evening breeze and enjoyed their silent dance.

I leaned back and looked up into the starry night sky for a long time. I saw Mars reflecting the light of the sun. I saw the Orion nebula all hazy and milky......and suddenly I was struck by the majesty of it all. I mean, it was as if I were seeing it all for the first time.

Normally, at this time of the year I'd be busy, busy, busy. I'd be either Christmas shopping, or wrapping presents, or thinking about what I was going to buy for all the kids...you know, making a list and checking it twice!!

I 'd be baking, and sewing and making all sorts of holiday preparations!!! Busy, Busy!!

But...

Not this year....

Not this year.

So...I had time.

Time to sit outside alone in the dark and appreciate God's handiwork. Not only look at it but think about it deeply. And it made me wonder.....

What is Christmas with everything stripped away? How does it feel, smell...what does it look like???

Can you still have "Christmas" like this, and if so...exactly...how?

The next day I went to the store. We needed eggs and milk.

While there I saw a small nativity set. It cost seventeen dollars.

But, it caught my eye. I was drawn to it, not because it was something special-just a cheap little nativity set.

I was drawn to it because .....it spoke to me...to my heart. I stood there for quite a few minutes looking at that nativity. Then suddenly, my mind was far away....in a stable.... in Bethlehem. I smelled the dampness of the night, the sweet smell of hay mixed with animal smells..and then I was...in front of a rugged Roman cross on Calgary. I smelled the sweat, blood and dust...and then...in front of a cave with a huge stone in front of it that had been rolled away....

And I got my answer. Even though I already knew all these things...I needed to be reminded.

This is what Christmas looked like with everything stripped away.

This is was where the rubber meets the road. This is what it was all about over two-thousand years ago before anyone even heard about a fat guy with a white beard and a red suit that hauled around town with a bunch of flying reindeer.

The nativity cost seventeen dollars. I had to think about that. I would have never had to think about spending seventeen dollars before...but I did now.

I bought that "cheap" little nativity and set it on our dresser in our room. I put a candle next to it. It has become a reminder to me. A light shining during this dark hour of trial for us.I'm not one for statues and such...but..I feel like this is important to me at the moment. A tangible reminder. I look at it often.

It helps me remember WHY Christmas is.

It gives me hope. It helps me remember that all upon this earth is temporary and what is really of value is eternal. It helps me to completely let go of the material possessions I've lost. Let go of even their memories.

Was it hard? YOU BET. Did I cry??

YES-SOBBED

I'm human. That's the beauty of it. It just proved to me that on my own power I am weak...but when I hold the hand of my Lord...I become strong. I can overcome...anything. When I remember the deeper purpose and meaning. When I let GO of the earthly and I cling to the hand of my God....I can overcome. Anything.

It's a daily walk. A daily letting go. Everyday I must, on purpose, run to my Lord for strength. The beauty of this is...that...daily.... I strengthen my relationship with Him.

This daily communion with Him strengthens me. Anything less and I falter again....I begin to slip....

I put that cheap little nativity in a conspicuous place. I want to be able to see it often, to help remind me...what Christmas really looks like, smells like...is.

Let the Holidays begin!

2010-12-05T12:23:00.004+10:00

Friday evening was the "kick-off" for the holiday season at Harry and Kelli's house. These are the two friends that have graciously given us refuge during these difficult times we are going through.

The boys had fun decorating the Christmas tree. Franklin (the little one) had a blast!

the boys and Sarah (mom -to-be) decorating the tree

I was in charge of arranging the Christmas Tree area and making it "Christmasy...

Kelli was the master baker-whipping up a delicious batch of Christmas cookie cut-outs!

The husbands were in charge of decorating- an exquisite art reserved only for the most talented...

Just look at the wonderful creations they made...what imagination!

....hula girl in grass skirt - cookie...hummmm

The kids and I were also taste-testers....

Bowser, the neighbor's dog also showed up to volunteer for the job of taste tester....

Honestly, it really blessed us to be able to share their family tradition with them. Because of the circumstances - we were wondering how our Christmas would be this year. We had accepted the fact that things would be difficult and were resigned to just make the best out of it.

But, yet again. We were blessed.

There is always, always something to be thankful for.

All settled in...for now!

2010-11-30T22:35:00.001+10:00

FINALLY!

The moving is done. We are all settled in at our friends home for our "transition period"-moving off of Saipan where we have lived for the past thirty years.

Thirty Years. That's a long time. It's a long time to be living on a 7 x 13 miles island out in the middle of no-where. I am excited to be moving on with my life.

But...of course sad too. This month my eldest comes to pick up her children and move to her next army duty station.

Who knows when I will see them again? America is on the other side of the world from us here in Asia.

I am thankful that Saipan is just a few short hours from Saipan. Flying here to see our other kids and grankids won't break us financially.

We are glad to be moved out of our apartment. What a difference!

I am NOT going to miss Mrs. Crabby-Ass or the rest of the clan that forever tormented us there.

We exchanged this view of the supermarket across the street (our only "view)

For this view out of our "new" bedroom windows

This is now what I see when I wake up in the morning, versus nothing but barred windows!

We are very happy here. The kids love it too.

And we realized...we are now on home-stretch for Japan..!

This Thanksgiving Day...Free North Korea

2010-11-25T23:29:00.001+10:00

Thanksgiving today. I didn't cancel ESL classes for the day because I need the day off tomorrow-it's our moving day.

I woke up around 7am and "felt" the holiday in my spirit. Funny how that is. Even though Thanksgiving is an American holiday-I still feel the specialness of the day-even here. The local people do celebrate Thanksgiving here but it's not the same as it is in America.

I left the house with the "boys" still in bed snoring. DH and the grand-kids had the day off today.

As I drove to the little language school where I teach I thought about what I needed to get done today. I had some packing and organizing to do after class, so I was thinking about that. I recognized that it was a special day, Thanksgiving Day, so I prayed and asked God to bless my family this day and honestly thanked Him for all the blessings we had despite the struggles.

I looked forward to spending the last special holidays with my children and grandchildren but that's not how things turned out. I guess I was feeling a little down about that but at the same time I knew that everything was happening for the better.

So as I was driving along I talked to the Lord and asked Him to bless the day...no matter what it turned out to be. I asked also that the class today would be special somehow-that I might leave my students with something "heartfelt" this Thanksgiving Day.

Only three students showed up because most have little children-and the kids are off today. I didn't really mind because the three that did show up have the lowest English level in the class and it gave me a chance to get personal with them. These three are also usually more quiet than the other students-so I was hoping that I might be able to get them to open up a bit and feel free to say a little more than usual.

I opened the class by talking abut the recent events in Korea. My students are Korean, Chinese and Japanese- so this is a hot topic at the moment as North Korea is in their back yard.

recent attack on south Korea by North Korea

The conversation just took off! James (his English name) never really says much during most classes but today-he took over the conversation!

He poured his heart out and what he told the class and I touched me so deeply...it absolutely made my Thanksgiving day one of the most memorable I have ever had.

James is Chinese. He told the class that he just wanted North Korea to stop! Stop their bullying! He wanted them to stop holding their own people hostage.

He went on to tell us this story.

James's family is Korean- mother, father and grandparents...etc. His parents escaped Korea and fled to China a few years before he was born.

James was born in China and by Chinese law-had to get a Chinese passport, even though he was born from Korean parents and is ethnically Korean. James said that during that time the "immigration door" between China and Korea was closed. His parents escaped to China because of the turmoil their country was in and that's why James was born there. But...this became a problem for him during his life. Because he held a Chinese passport-he was not free to travel. His parents had to stay in China and raise him. When he became old enough to be on his own, his parents left and went back to South Korea. Leaving him in China with no way out. He tried desperately for years to get a visa to see his family but was denied.

James also told us that during the time of hardship his grandmother and other family were living in the North...and were trapped when Korea was divided into North and South.

China/North Korea border on the Dandong River in China

He told us that for a while they had communication with their grandmother in North Korea. Once she was even able to come to China for a short time-having to leave behind family members in the North. From what I understood, she stole secretly over the border.

James told us that the conditions in North Korea are hellish. His grandmother told stories of starvation. She told of one family that actually killed and ate a toddler because there was just no food.

James's sister-in-law runs an underground Christian church in China. Practicing real Christianity is illegal in China. James said China puts on a "nice face" for the rest of the world but deep within China the conditions are horrible. He told us that members of this church secretly travel into North Korea and assist the Christians there by bringing food, Bibles and clothing. Sometimes also medicines.


North Korean woman trying to get to the embassy to plead for help- but being forced to go back to North Korea where she will be arrested and tortured

His sister-in-law is involved in these activities even at the risk of facing torture, imprisonment and death.

James went on to describe everyday life in North Korea. He said people are horribly impoverished. Food aid that is sent rarely ever reaches the common people.

Most of these pictures speak for themselves. They are all pictures of daily life for the average citizen in North Korea.

workers on their way to 'work"

Workers digging for "mud" to use for fertilizer because their soil is so poor. Red propaganda signs say "dig for Victory"

James went on to tell us that citizens in North Korea are brainwashed from childhood on.

"American Imperialists Are The Enemies of Our people!"


"Let's not forget the American Imperialist wolves"

Let's take revenge a hundred thousand times on the American Imperialist Wolves

They are told that they are the 'lucky" ones-that life outside North Korea is terrible. The only news they get are the North Korean propaganda television and radio stations. There are propaganda posters and signs everywhere. The citizens are led to believe that the USA is evil and wants to take over their country and kill everyone.

Because they are isolated from the rest of the world, they believe these stories. Besides, James said, there is nothing else to do but believe them and obey. The citizens are under constant surveillance. North Korean soldiers are everywhere. They are there not only to keep watch on the borders but they also keep the citizens in line. It is not uncommon for people to disappear. Whole families, parents and children are sent to prison
camps for disobeying the government.


soldiers throwing rocks at the photographer

James said that the younger generation has heard stories from the west. About how life really is on he outside...but...there is nothing they can do. They can't fight against the iron arm of their communist government.


propaganda sign "If our party decides-we will do it!" placed a few days after testing long-range missiles over Japan 2009

I was stunned at not only how much James talked today- but at what he shared with absolute passion.
Class ended....I was sincerely humbled.

If I had even a tiny thought of pity for myself before class...I had none after. You hear these sorts of stories on "T.V" and read about them in books and on the internet....but when you hear them first hand. When you see the pain in another human's eyes as they tell you these things....it is impossible not to be humbled.

I left class a different person from when I stepped in. I had everything to be thankful for...absolutely everything. There was not one small crumb in my life that I could complain about.

James had become much more than a student to me today- he became a teacher. My teacher.

I pray God Bless you this Thanksgiving Day. May you be truly thankful for everything you have. I know...I am. I sincerely am.

Recipe for Sujunggwa-Korean Cinnamon Tea

2010-11-24T14:10:00.006+10:00

It seems several people would like to have the recipe for this delicious cinnamon tea / punch.

(You can drink it hot or cold- I liked it better cold )

Ginger and Cinnamon are also very good for your health!

I was very sneaky in getting this :) as it is a coveted recipe and is usually kept secret! I'm kidding. But I was sneaky in getting it.

The past couple of ESL lessons revolved around a cooking/kitchen utensils/ recipe writing theme.

We learned about Thanksgiving, a traditional American holiday and the history, traditions and special foods that are associated with the holiday.

As I posted earlier, one of the students brought this cinnamon tea to our Thanksgiving feast and I fell in love with it!

Before the feast we had been working on the "cooking vocabulary/kitchen vocabulary/recipe- theme" that we finished up today. The assignment was to bring a favorite recipe.

I gave the students large index cards and they translated their recipe into English and onto the card. Then each student had to come to the front and share their recipe with the class-while wearing my tiger-striped apron! It was a lot of fun and they learned lots of new vocabulary.

It was a very practical lesson and I got a "5-star" score from the students for teaching it. Everyone learned lots and enjoyed the fun.

One student forgot her recipe at home so I did some quick thinking and asked her if she knew the recipe for Sujunggwa? (I figured that she would as it's a traditional drink.)

Of course she said yes!

Ahhhh HA!

I had her come up to the front and I helped her translate it into English on the board. She did pretty well....and I got the recipe without having to ask!

So without further dialogue, here is the recipe as I got it in class today.

Ingredients needed:

3-4 cinnamon sticks

50 grams of fresh ginger root

Six cups of water

One to one and a half cups of sugar (it is sweet so you may only want a half cup) -about a third or so of the sugar should be dark brown. The rest of the sugar can be light brown (preferred) or white.

The reason for this, the student explained, was because you don't want the tea to be too darkly colored. I thought the color comes from the cinnamon but I was told no-the color comes from the sugar. At any rate-use a total of 1 and a half cups of sugar-with about a third being dark-brown. (I'm just telling you how the students explained it to me).

You will also need:

Dried persimmon if it is available BUT it's not necessary if you can't find dried persimmon. Don't use fresh persimmon.

Pine nuts

Directions:

Prepare the cinnamon sticks by rinsing them with cold water.

Prepare the ginger by peeling and slicing it as pictured above.

Combine water, cinnamon sticks, ginger and sugar in a large cooking pot. Bring ingredients to a rolling boil. Let boil for about 15 seconds and then simmer on low for about an hour and a half or two hours for stronger taste. My students told me to keep the pot covered-I just read another recipe for Sujunggwa on the internet that says to simmer uncovered. I will follow my students instructions as I'm pretty sure their information is reliable.

After simmering, cool liquid and refrigerate.

Sujunggwa can be drunk hot or cold.

Pine nuts are added before serving as pictured below.

If you are able to get dried persimmon, prepare the persimmon by removing the "core"and the stem part. Cut the persimmon into four pieces. Place one or two pieces of dried persimmon in the cup and pour Sujunggwa on top. This makes an after dinner "dessert" drink. Can be served hot or cold.

This picture has no pine nuts-just persimmon and tea.

We are moving this weekend so I'm a little busy. Next week after things settle down I am going to make a batch of this a bring it to class because the students are going to test me to see how I did making their traditional drink!

I was joking with them and said-if I failed I'd pay my Korean neighbor to whip up a batch for me.

Let me know if you tried making this and how it turned out and if you liked it!

Monday started the week off full-blast!

2010-11-23T14:57:00.002+10:00

Today was one of the best Mondays I have ever had despite how crazy busy it was!

We combined the adult ESL classes and had an "American" Thanksgiving luncheon! It was fun and special because it was the first time that any of the students had experienced an American style Thanksgiving.

We had traditional American food-turkey and all the trappings, pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce, it was great! I also had the students bring traditional Korean Thanksgiving foods. They have their own version of Thanksgiving which they celebrate in September or October as they don't follow the Western calendar.

One of the ladies brought this traditional Korean "punch" made from cinnamon, ginger and dried persimmon. It is SO delicious! I love cinnamon so this drink hits home for me. I can see myself drinking it on a cold winter's day. Here is a recipe for it.

almost ready

she liked the "center piece"

table setting-did as well as I could here-Saipan is VERY limited-notice the chopsticks..

most of my adult class was able to come

The school owners-they are a pastor and his wife-we had the luncheon in the church-the biggest room!

pastors being silly

our two "activities"-everyone had to tell what they were thankful for and they had to use the phrase "please pass the..." when asking for food....

....telling what they were thankful for


the turkey table- it was a hit

After the Thanksgiving luncheon I rushed to the local stationery store to buy balloons and party favors for my grandson's birthday party. He wanted a party in his classroom with his classmates! His mom is a soldier and we have the two boys, one eight and one thirteen. His mom sent money so that he could order any cake he wanted at one of our local bakeries.

Later on, after my tutoring student left, we went to my daughter's house and had a little party with my other two daughters and their children.

Busy but fun day!

Gearing up for moving day Friday......sheesh. Can't wait until that is over!!

This is not a packing post.....ha

2010-11-20T20:47:00.004+10:00

Today was a bit of a "normal" day-whatever that is!

My friend's daughter had her baby shower today. The theme was Tea For Two!

She brought her collection of tea pots and cups. She baked butter pecan tarts, scones and other yummy treats!

Sarah got some really nice gifts including a really pretty hand made quilt.

It turned out to be a very nice tea party! I was so glad that I could be a part of it by helping my friend-these are the friends that are helping us during our transition time.

It really was a fun party but I do realize that this is probably a boring post as I didn't put much effort into writing it. I'm pulling out all the stops here-practically running on fumes. This is our last week in the apartment. By this time next week we will be at our friends house.

Monday is our ESL Thanksgiving "brunch"and my grandson's birthday party.

yeah

I still have packing to do. I hired a woman to come and help me clean our new "room", bathroom and the kids room and get things organized on Friday. The fee is $35.00 a day for the service-I figured it was worth it. I'm sure I'll be exhausted by then and having another woman's help (versus DH's help) will be well-worth the thirty-five bucks.

This is going to be a heck of a week and then hopefully things will slow down a bit.

Finally....

2010-11-19T15:25:00.000+10:00

I've been asking him for weeks to go through his closet and get rid of his junk.

Hallelujah...he's finally doing it.

Check out the head-band. He found it in his pile of junk...funny.

Almost oUt !

2010-11-18T23:32:00.001+10:00

Hauled boxes to the new house today-our friends house that is. Where we will stay for the "transition" period. It felt really GOOD to begin moving out of here.

I have gone through every room of the apartment and thrown away everything we do not need. We are down to necessities in all areas. That also feels good.

Next Friday we go and clean the rooms and begin to move clothing..etc. Saturday we will be moved in.

From now to then it's going to be a wild ride! I'm helping a friend decorate for and set up her daughter's baby shower on Saturday. Sunday is more packing and moving bits and pieces. Monday I am having the adult ESL classes Thanksgiving party "brunch" from 9:30-11:30am. Then it's off to the elementary school for my grandson's birthday party with his classmates.

Then more ESl tutoring at 4:00pm. After that-dinner needs cooking....life full blast. The rest of the week is not much better!

Posting here will have to take a back-seat for a bit.

Sorry for the lousy post - I'm exhausted!

Purging "stuff"

2010-11-13T20:49:00.003+10:00

Saturday today. I would have loved to just rest...but I spent the day going through more "stuff".

How do we accumulate so much STUFF??

When we moved into this apartment three years ago we moved out of a large house. We gave our excess "stuff" to our kids. I mean - we gave away a LOT of stuff!

When we moved into the apartment it looked a little bare.

Stuff sure creeps up on you. For a small apartment I'm still weeding through things.

Almost done though. I went through my closet today and took more than half of my clothes and bagged them. I also went through some of my other personal items-bagged them too. I ended up with two huge trash-bags full of clothing, purses..etc. I'm giving it all to a friend of mine. She's from the Philippines and has family back home that really appreciates hand-me downs. I take good care of my clothing so it's all in fairly good shape.

It felt good to get that out of the way. Everything that is now left hanging in my closet will go to Japan. The closet is half empty now- but it feels good.

Went through a big box of personal "papers". That huge box was pared down to a small pile that fit into two manila envelopes. Makes me wonder why I kept all that paperwork in the first place??

We have decided to move out of the apartment the weekend after Thanksgiving. We'll be staying with friends of ours that have two extra bedrooms and an extra bathroom. It's a HUGE blessing for us to be able to do this. With the financial situation as it is....I can't tell you how grateful we are. Of course we will pay "rent" to cover electricity costs-which are so expensive here. We'll also buy our own groceries and personal items. All four of us are piled into one bedroom at present to save electricity costs - not the best situation at all.

The kids will have their own room until their "soldier" mom comes next month to pick them up and go to her next duty station. That in itself will help tremendously with the stress level!

Hubby and I went out for dinner last night-the first time in a long time that we had a "break". My daughter babysat for us. How much we appreciated sitting river-side at our favorite restaurant! So unlike times past when going out to dinner was normal. This time is was a real treat. We sat from the time the restaurant opened until it just about closed -talking about our life as it was now. We focused on all the positive and wonderful blessings we had. We took the time to name them. Both of us cried.

I know I keep saying this, but this situation has been genuinely life changing for us in so many ways. It's deeply affected how we view life and material objects, our marriage, family-many things. It has made us reexamine our motives and our hearts.

So-we are just about done going through "things". Hubby has his closet to rummage through-and his golf cabinet.

I need to start boxing up the things we will be taking to Japan. Tomorrow I'll go to Kelli's house to have another look at the rooms and bathroom so I can get an idea of what I'll put where. This week I'm going to start moving stuff little by little. I'll also put in disconnection notices for the power, phone/internet and cable-TV.

How exciting-we are actually doing this. I've waited years. Now we are doing it-starting over during midlife. Changing gears half-way through. Last night we talked about how most people our age are "settled". They have a home filled with stuff, cars etc.

Here we are - starting completely over in a new country even. But with so many blessings on the journey. A home is waiting for us that "full" of stuff. (We do have our own home but MIL is living in it at the moment. ) We also have friends that are reaching out to help us during this transition time.

I know I'm sounding a little sappy- I guess what I'm trying to do is give people a glimpse into our lives, the hardship we are facing and how we are handling it. I'm allowing you to come into the private part of our lives....in hopes that perhaps in some way it may help someone somewhere.

I've learned one thing long ago- never ever give up. Even if it seems like you are up against a brick wall. Find some way to go around, over, under or through that wall! There is always a way. Always.

I never stopped praying for wisdom on what that "way" might be.

But-just so you know I am human-there have been times these past few weeks where I have completely lost it. Cried my eyes out-felt irritable and absolutely exhausted. When hubby was in Japan it was REALLY hard. I was sick, one of the kids got sick - I mean this flu was really bad-coughing and hacking-sleepless nights and blurry days. My teenage-grandson decided to make some bad decisions that got the school calling me.... I worked till I just about fell over trying to get rid of our personal belongings-while teaching English to 25 adults during the day.

I've had my share of break-downs the past few weeks. Been trying to make positive choices in dealing with this situation. Prayer, taking time out. Letting go. Some of the more positive choices that have helped so far.

New Pages

2010-11-11T21:45:00.003+10:00

Just for your info....~~I've added two pages to my blog. A weekly literary selection page and a weekly inspirational selection page.~~ (ok-just edited this post-I think I'll be realistic and just add ONE new page and call it the Weekly "extra" Page until I can think up a better name -that's probably all I have time for). I love to read poems, quotes, books, blogs..you name it! I thought I'd start separate pages to feature some of my favorites. I'm hoping that sometime you'll find something on ~~one of~~ the pages that inspires you or lifts your spirits or just gives you a cyber "hug" . Sometimes I'll add comments to the selection and sometimes I won't.

Happy Blogging!

Merry Christmas Charlie Brown!

2010-11-10T14:06:00.002+10:00

As far back as I can remember Christmas has been a special time of the year for me. I'm extremely nostalgic. I spend hours decorating and creating that "Christmas" atmosphere in the house. Just about every room in the house feels and smells warm and cozy during the Christmas holiday season. Even the bathroom.

I'm into natural-type decorations like pine branches, pine cones, dried berries, holly and such. The smells send me into my own special "heaven". My mom was like that too. Our house was always so Christmas-y and I just loved it.

So-I'm standing here looking around at our almost empty apartment. It felt good to have gotten rid of most everything. We just have the odds-n-ends that we need at the moment, but other than that, this apartment is pretty empty.

I've come to accept it already and to tell the truth-it feels rather good to have just about everything stripped away. Like a new-birth. A real "new beginning". Starting from scratch. Life-part II.

The timing of this whole thing was just amazing. DH and I talked about it. There are several things happening that make this entire experience rather "auspicious". It coincides with his retirement, with my daughter leaving Korea (this part of the world) and taking the kids, with my approaching 50th birthday, with DH's 55th birthday and lastly-the sudden extreme decline of our economy here.

This whole experience has been a cleansing of sorts for me and I think for my husband too. We have gotten a lot of positive out of it.

I feel like I've learned some life lessons that I had yet to learn.

And then I realized something.

The holidays are right around the corner.

I never EVER imagined celebrating the holidays without all the fanfare. Yeah-I know. Millions of people do just that. They have no -where near enough money to think about decorated houses and trees. Presents, holiday food...etc.

So...petty isn't it? How dare I.

I felt another lesson coming up.

And I was right.

So-I dug out a few "holiday" items that I packed away in our "take to Japan" pile. Just a few special things that I've hung on to. Not much-trust me.

And-

I went to the "cheap" store to get some pine scented candles (2).

I came home with my little sack and decorated for the holidays. It took me about fifteen minutes (versus a day or two before).

After I was done, I made some coffee and sat in silence to enjoy the little bit of Christmas cheer I had created.

And you know what? I was content.

Truth be told, I've been much more peaceful and content after having accepted being stripped of most of our worldly goods.

The simpleness is almost-holy-sacred ....somehow.

I hauled out my all-time favorite Christmas cartoon- A Charlie Brown Christmas. Seemed to fit perfectly this year.

This year I have pledged to concentrate on the deeper meaning of Christmas. Maybe without all the trappings it will be a little easier. I feel like we get side-tracked with all the glitter and tinsel.

By the way- what do YOU feel is the real meaning of Christmas and the holiday season? I guess I just wondered what "real" people thought.

Our only shelf-our Christmas tree "stand"

Our "Charlie Brown" Christmas Tree

The only remaining wall shelves - with a little bit 'o cheer

The 100 year old music box from my great aunt (from Germany)

Our empty apartment


Merry Christmas Charlie Brown!! And yes...I know it's a little early to be talking about Christmas when Thanksgiving isn't even here yet. It's our last Christmas here and we are moving out of this apartment soon-I guess I just wanted to get in a little Christmas cheer before we moved out.

Blog design-HA!

2010-11-08T15:16:00.001+10:00

As my regular readers may have noticed....I change my blog design often.

Today I thought I'd explain myself. Just so you know that I'm not:

bored

nuts

restless

fickle.......

It's just that I am trying to find a "skin" that fits my blog and expresses who I am. I'm having trouble doing that.
Maybe because I'm so many different pieces kind-of scotch-taped together. I'm not a clean streamlined "fit"-although sometimes I wish I were.
I'm more like a hodge-podge of stuff that is loosely knit in some places-rock-solid in others all stuck together with a sort of flexible adhesive.

Hummmm. Strange. But that's me.
And my life.

I see these pretty blogs that seem to be an extension of the owner and I want one. But I think that's impossible because of everything I said above. I guess if I were blogging about one topic all the time-like book reviews, or sewing-then I could have a nice themed blog skin.

But-I'm blogging about our lives.

And nothing I have come across seems to fit.

So-I changed my blog skin to green, because I guess that's my favorite color. To me it signifies the natural world- pine forests, fields of grass and wild flowers.....

I finally figured out how to save and CHANGE a picture to make it into a blog header. My plan is to change the picture at the top when the mood strikes me but to keep the basic blog as it is.

I'm guessing my readers will be thankful. I'm sorry for having changed it so much.

I'm going through a lot of life changes. Midlife is like that. In my twenties and thirties I would have had no trouble choosing a cute theme for my blog. It would have probably had something to do with motherhood and families...

But now?
So many changes.....I'm trying to keep my bearings and get my footing. Sometimes I think I have it and then....whoops!

Forgive me.

If you have not hit midlife yet-you'll
know what I am talking about when you get there.

I'm learning to cut myself some slack. I'm learning to let go of a lot and enjoy the moment more-and look for the positive in each situation. I'm learning to walk day by day asking for wisdom, guidance and JOY. Yeah-I have to ask for joy because sometimes my "joy" cupboard is bare.

And that's another thing...I'm not a Bible wielding fanatic of a Christian. But...

I am a quiet listener sitting at my Lord's feet. I don't "preach" a lot-I have some friends that do and that's ok.

I mostly just live it day by day-where the rubber meets the road kinda thing. Walking in the masters foot-steps and trying to concentrate so I don't trip and fall. Which I do anyhow now and again.

Life-always changing. This is normal. As you get older you come to accept this more and more. Not that you like it-but really-what else is there to do? Fight it?

Wiser to accept with grace and respond as positively as possible.

That's where my faith, spirituality or whatever you want to call it-comes in. I call it my relationship with my creator-but in today's world of political correctness....you know...

Anyhow-this post started out trying to explain my constant blog - skin changes and ended philosophical.

sorry

But- in a way- I guess the reason for the blog skin changes is partly philosophical.

Er....sort-of.

Maybe I should stop now.

It's not so bad-but could have been worse

2010-11-05T23:39:00.000+10:00

The last of the "big stuff" was picked up today.Our big brown lounge chair and garden bench were sold to a young couple with a new baby. Nice kids. He came with his brother and a pick-up truck to haul the stuff away.

I was glad to see that we were able to help this couple by giving them a good deal. Furniture is expensive here. Years ago (like twenty) I bought a couch set for $3,000. That was when I was married to my ex and we had "money". I saw the same set at a furniture store chain in the states for $400. I'm not kidding.

The apartment echoes now.

The kitchen table looks out of place and a bit lonely sitting there by itself.

But- it feels good to have sold most everything.

We talked about things over dinner last night. The timing of all of this struck me. Had we not been planning on moving-I would have no idea what I would have done because the money from our "garage" sale is being used to survive-till we can move out of the apartment to our friends house. Once there we will be able to "make it" till we move.

What would we have done? I have no idea.

Obviously we would not have sold all our belongings. But-what would we have done?

That got me thinking about people who are in just that situation.

I've read quite a few articles about people -people like you and me-that are now living in tent-cities in mainstream America.

Tent cities website

My husband and I were blessed in that we were moving anyways -soon. So, in all reality -this was kind-of a blessing. It spurred me to begin to get organized and ready for our move. I was dreading having to go through everything-but now-it's pretty much behind me. I have only a few odds and ends left.

And honestly, it feels liberating not having "stuff" to deal with.

But how do these people in the states cope with their situations? I saw one family that had their furniture set up in a tent. I saw a china cabinet, couch...nice furniture. All set up in a tent.

How do you deal with that?

People have read my blog and have been horrified. I mean- we just about lost our shirts! But- we hung on. I made some fast necessary decisions and we are surviving. Soon we will be "living" again. Maybe not our own home filled with our "own" things-but we will continue on. It's not so bad. Really. It's just stuff.

But we don't have to live in a tent.

I am thankful for many reasons. Mostly I am thankful that I have a spirituality that is real to me. I was thinking about my "survival" skills. The ones that I posed on my blog several weeks ago. And I was thinking how accurate the survival skills test was for me.

I have actually thought about the results several times these past few weeks and have drawn upon the knowledge I gained from studying the test results.

It's not so bad when you take it day by day. When you realize that life on earth is temporary as is everything. When you don't cling to "things" because they are just that-only things.

This is where the rubber meets the road when it comes to my faith and trust in God.

When you are in a position like this- you think a little more seriously about these things.

Update on the weightloss / lifestyle change

2010-11-04T21:49:00.000+10:00

I have not posted for a while on how I was doing with the life-style changes and weight-loss.

I started off at 160 lbs. I am now 130 lbs! Size 12-14 to a size 6.

That weight came off since last April. I've also now got firm arms, thighs and getting a little bit of a 'six-pac' in my ab area!

I am not putting garbage into my cells- only good wholesome healthy food and beverages. I can definitely feel the change it's made to just about every part of my body. I'm not "dieting"-which is so unhealthy. I'm making sure that I get "healthy" fats to combat menopausal symptoms. Plenty of fruit and veggies -whole grains and alternate forms of protein as I really do not eat meat very much-actually almost never.

I do enjoy chocolate and German Stollen!

I sleep better, can handle stress better, LOOK better and absolutely feel better. And I know-I've lost FAT not "water" or muscle-which is what most people lose by dieting and not eating healthy and forgoing strength training.

I'm not done yet-actually-this is a part of my life now.

I can say it is well worth the effort.

My stamina has increased to a point that I never thought possible. I regularly "speed walk" about 3-4 miles about 5-6 times a week now and I feel fantastic.

I have also added strength training with 5 lb hand held weights and 2.5 ankle weights.

It was / is hard work but there is no price tag you can put on your health!

And that is what my goal is- health- not just to be "thin"-I don't want to cheat myself. I'll just suffer in the future.

Happy that I am reaching a goal that I thought was impossible. I am learning that with effort-anything is possible.

Language school drama....

2010-11-03T20:35:00.001+10:00

As I mentioned in yesterday's post we are having a little "drama" at the language school.

Never fails-there is always one bad apple in every group. Our bad apple wears Prada and shorts with her rear-end hanging out. And please- no one light a match around her or her hair will go up in flames.

So today I had the pleasure of addressing the 9:40am group regarding the "schedule". If you haven't already read it- read yesterday's post for the background on this story.

I figured, since the group was cut down to an hour (from and hour and a half) I'd talk about the schedule issue first thing so I wouldn't be held back at the end of class and be late to my private lesson student.

That was a wise move on my part. Just as I thought Mrs. Hot Pants found something to argue about. I ~~firmly~~ politely explained that I had already changed my schedule THREE times to accommodate one ~~stupid and rude idiot~~ student's wishes but could NO LONGER make changes to my already full schedule-specially for some idiot who wanted the schedule changed on a whim-over and over again! No strike-out here because this is exactly what I think!

I mapped out the schedule on the board AND included the prices they were paying-the 25% cut I had to give the language school AND normal rates in the real world. I wrote it all down in plain English. Very simple.

Everyone understood perfectly where I was coming from ...except....you know who.

Would you believe she wanted me to open a SPECIAL class for her with no more than FIVE students in it?

I looked at her and said frankly, it's a waste of my time to come here and teach a class with only five student's in it at $45.00 per month per student. Then I said - if you are willing to pay the REAL WORLD price of ten dollars per class- THEN maybe we could do that.

She was furious. Furious that I had not accommodated her royal ~~highass~~ highness.

I politely knocked her off her high-horse in front of the class.

It was that or have her control the entire school and make everyone miserable.

She was livid.

She expected me to reschedule my private student-who pays $20.00 per hour and is busy running a very successful business. Reschedule that student so she can have the time she wants...for now. As I said she rescheduled the entire school three times.

Idiot.

After my schedule talk and her little tirade-we had twenty minutes for our lesson.

Whatever.

I hope she decides not to come back on Friday. She can keep her 45 bucks and the class and I will keep our sanity.

Ready to pull my hair out!

2010-11-02T20:58:00.001+10:00

Ok- after all this good news about our house and all the blessing we got it's time for a little "rant" post.

As you may or may not know I teach English at the moment. Something I have done for quite a while "on the side" and what I plan to do when we get to Japan-like a lot of us "ex-pats".

Anyhow-after the elementary school where I taught 6th grade was shut-down, I got a part-time job teaching English at a little language academy. It's a small time academy but since I've been teaching there- it has quickly grown to the most popular language school on island.

A few years ago I ran my own ESL business here and I was quite successful but...with the current situation -moving etc...I don't really have the space to do this on my own at the moment. The little language school seemed like a good fit-they have classrooms and equipment-right now- I don't.

The only drawback was what they offered to pay me-which has changed several times since I have started....

First it was ten dollars per student-the school gets 25%-leaving me with $7.50 a head per student-per hour...ok...not bad I guess in this economy. I didn't have to worry about paying electricity bills or equipment.

I gave the owner the go ahead to set up a class. Behind my back she puts an ad in the Korean newspaper: English lessons / M-W-F / 9-10am / SIXTY dollars a month. At 75% for me that's 45 a month per student. A HUGE loss for me. Actually- this is peanuts-spare change compared to what I can make.

On my OWN I get $20 an hour per student / 2 students or more I drop the price to $15 an hour. For groups of 5-10 I charged TEN per person bottom price. Working part-time I hauled in about 2 grand per month only doing ESL. That was when I had a space.....and equipment.

So....because I need the income at the moment I agree to do this FOR ONE MONTH at this price.

What a nightmare.

She sets up three other classes at the same rate and THEN changes the first class to an hour and a half!

At this point I am becoming irritated. I explain to her that more time means MORE pay. The other students are starting to complain about the first class that gets and hour and a half of me- but pays the same rate as the students only getting an hour.

Enter the student from hell-madam X.

She walks into class in high-heels, super-short-shorts, mega hair and an attitude.

She begins to complain about the time-does not suit her schedule...so...the owner bows down and changes the schedule- the ENTIRE schedule to accommodate madam X. I mean we re-work the whole darn thing.

This goes well for...er...a week. She starts to complain again- this happened three times and three times the entire schedule was redone. PLUS she refused to pay for the extra time- so we cut the time back again to one hour-most students wanted to pay the extra ten bucks to have more time.

This woman is a royal pain in the rump. Today I blew a gasket. The owner comes to me AGAIN saying Madam wanted to change the time....

Pushed me right over the edge....I said NO-absolutely NOT. I am not being led around by the nose by this one woman. So the owner freaks out....because this time- I am not budging.

Apparently madam is rather influential in the community and the owner is afraid that she may bad mouth the school if she doesn't get her way.

The owner forgot one thing. Without ME- there is no English class.

The Chinese teacher told me - since the opening of the school a few years ago- the owner has been trying to get the English program off the ground without success-until now.

Tomorrow the owner wants ME to address this issue with the class.She said Madam has riled everyone up and she can't talk to them because they are "Korean" and Korean to Korean is "hard" (?).

Fine-I'll address the issue-point blank.I'll let you know what happens.